To What I Owe You

Chapter 3- Under Inspection

To What I Owe You

Chapter 3- Under Inspection
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"Were you ever afraid of him? I know you said he made you nervous when you both first met, but did you ever fear him?"

"Yea, I won't lie. I was scared of pissing him off, not because I thought he'd do anything to me, but because of how self destructive he was. I was scared of what he'd do to hisself or others, and most of all... scared he'd leave me."

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"Knock-knock." I heard lightly being spoken over my shoulder.

Once I turned to face the door of the room my dad was standing there leaning in awaiting my approval to let him come all the way in. I raised an eyebrow to insinuate I was waiting for him to bust a move or say something. He lightly smiled, and let out a chuckle at my reaction before he stepped all the way in. Once he came in he shoved his hands into his pocket, and began looking around the room.

"Starting to get a little set up here, huh?" He questioned.

I looked around the room myself, nodding my head. It was finally coming together. After running errands with Chris earlier, he and I both came back to the house just in time for my pops to be ready for us to all eat dinner together. It was nice, and a little different. Never really been able to eat meals with the whole family seeing that we ain't have a dining room, and the kitchen was too small for us to all sit around the little table that occupied in there. It was cool though, we talked and chopped it up like we had all been together before.

Once dinner was over I figured it was a better time than any to unpack my stuff, and start making shit really feel like my own. It was the best distraction I had considering everyone was calling or texting me to check on how I was adjusting or how my pops was treating me. It made me miss everyone so it was best that I did something productive before I started feeling homesick already. It hasn't been long, but it's been an adjustment.

"Yea, figures I'd get it out the way today." I explained.

He nodded, and then a silence fell between us that just made me want him to leave. I hate awkward shit, and things that make me feel uncomfortable. "You know, I know this might not be what you had wanted to do, but I'm really happy you're here Kadeejah."

"Ok."

"And I know you probably have a lot of mixed feelings towards me, but just know that I couldn't stay there, with your mom. Not for one minute longer, and it made no sense to take y'all from what y'all knew when I didn't even know where I was going."

"That's not the point, it's never been the point, why didn't you come back, and just say what's up, something. I graduated this year, you still ain't show."

"I can't make an excuse for why I never came, but I'm sorry I never did. When your graduation rolled around I was getting ready for Silvia's funeral, and I couldn't just leave Chris down here and with all that on his shoulders."

"But you could leave us. We needed you." I flatly stated.

I watched his face drop in sorrow, and like he was stumped, and I'm glad. I never knew when I would have had a chance to confront my pops, I really didn't, I didn't know when I was gonna have the balls to ask these questions that I couldn't over the phone, but I'm more than happy it's happening now. I rather get this shit off my chest straight out the gate so there's never any tip toeing around anything while I'm here. The sooner he knows how I'm coming, the better.

After some time of nothing between the two of us I got back to folding the shirt I had in my hand when he first came in. I'm not anyone to really hold my tongue, and I'm as transparent as it's gone get because I can never blame no one for doing wrong by me if they don't know just that; they doing wrong by me. Everyone is the world tolerate different shit, so if someone knows out the gate I don't tolerate, this that and the third, then I can hold them accountable for what they did to me or how they made me feel, other than that how I'm going to feel a way towards you? In this situation though, the feelings I got towards my pops, he should know should be justified because in no universe up, and leaving yo family, and just never coming around again is justified. It just ain't.