Belief

2.2

Ashton did as he was told, quickly handing me a red cup filled with something that I guessed was alcohol. I drank it quickly, clearing the cup in a few sips. It burned my throat, making me stick my tongue out and squint my eyes.

"This is disgusting," I laugh. Ashton was just looking at me warily. "Just one more," I hold out my cup for him to refill. He opened his mouth, about to protest, but instead he just poured me more. Despite the horrid taste, I could slowly feel each of my worries slip away one by one. For once, I didn't try to catch them.

Ashton just stares at me for a moment, "Are you sure you don't want to go home. I can take you, you know that right?" He talks slowly.

"Ashton, I'm fine," I put extra emphasis on the word fine, trying to convince him I am able to handle this.

He shrugs, running his hand through his hair before he begins talking to the redhead again, glancing back at me every few seconds. I was debating whether to stay with him, but I couldn't keep my eyes off of the group of giggling girls across the room. Out of all the chaos happening around me, my eyes could only focus on that one spot. I figured it was best if I just went and explored the rest of the party on my own. I needed to get him out of my sight, and out of my thoughts.

I turned around, only taking a few steps before slamming into someone's chest. A pair of hands pulled me off, helping me to regain my balance. I look up to see the all too familiar eyes of Michael. Holding back my gasp, I take a quick sip from my cup.

"Oh, hey there," he looks at me awkwardly. I'm not really sure how to respond. I didn't have enough left in me to be angry at him right now. The alcohol in my system made it even harder to sort out my emotions.

Michael takes in my broken face. I know the hurt is evident despite my attempts at keeping myself together. He looks from my defeated expression, to Luke in the other room. Suddenly his expression softens.

"Do you want to go for a walk? Maybe talk?" Michael gives me a small smile. Was he really trying to fix things right now? Considering what happened the last time we were together I don't understand how he can even be looking at me right now. How am I even talking to him?

Half of me wanted to go, to make this all better, but then I remembered tonight was about fun, and solely fun. Talking to Michael would only cause drama. I didn't have enough strength left to fight him. I took another sip from my cup, shaking my head at him.

"Since when do you drink?" He looks at me confused. I could tell he was trying to cover up the hurt from my rejection. What did he even want to talk about anyway? He probably just wanted to yell at me, break me down even more.

"Since when do you care what I'm doing?" I glare at him, before turning to walk away.

"Wait Maddie!" he calls after me, pushing through the crowd of people to keep up with me. "Let me talk to you. I really need to apologize!"

"Not now Michael. I am really not in the mood," I keep my back to him. I hide my surprise at his words. He wanted to apologize? I find that awfully hard to believe.

I just need an escape from this repeating whirlpool of problems that came from their little group. I need an escape, just for one night. That was the purpose of coming here, right?

It was hard to keep up with all of the sources of my internal pain. Michael. Luke. Jonah.

One set of pain doesn't erase the last, it just piles together until the stack gets too high and crumbles down.

Just because there was a bigger rip in my heart now, didn't mean I would immediately mend the smaller ones out of convenience.

I finish the cup I was holding, my vision going a bit blurry for a second. My body wasn't used to this. The thump of the music was in rhythm with the pounding dizziness in my head. Someone fills up my cup again. I think that is three now? I walk along the hallway, not really sure what to do with myself. I was alone, but I liked being alone.