FORTY THREE

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YOUR POV:

I woke up to a throbbing headache the next day. It felt like someone was drumming my head with spoons. I looked around and realized I wasn't at my apartment. An uninvited memory reminded me some of the events of last night, particularly how Irene cleared our misunderstandings.

I gulped down, wondering if he was still here. A smile formed on my lips as I got up from the bed, thinking about all the things I would tell him when I see him.

I walked towards the living room and looked for him. Then I searched the kitchen, but he wasn't there either. Instead, on the dinning table, there was a huge bowl of soup and an envelope beneath it.

With a sinking heart, I opened the envelope and saw a letter in his hand.

Dear y/n,

         I don't know how to start, but one thing I know for sure, I hurt you more than you deserved. I punished you for nothing, because of misunderstandings... I don't have any excuse for it.

  You told me you changed your heart, and I can understand. Who wouldn't? The way I treated you ... it's only fair that you decide to let go of me. After all, I have given you nothing but pain.

   So i've decided to ... stop chasing you. If you wanna be with someone else, I'll let you. I'll let you go because I love you. It's the least I can do for you.

But can I be there for you, cheering, when he holds your hand? No I can't. Because i'm selfish. Because I still feel that... the desire to make you mine. I can suppress it and leave here, but I can't see someone else holding your hand. Because still, I wanna be the man who makes you happy. But I can never force myself on you. I can't force you to accept me in your life.

When I woke up that night five years ago, alone in my bed and found you gone, and I reached the airport without even thinking, the first thought on my mind was that I had to get you back, no matter what. " I will make you mine y/n , even if you are not supposed to be. And I don't care what it takes".

That's what I said. But now, I've realized that no matter how much money I make, it can't get me your love. I can change the world for you but I can't change your heart.

So I'm leaving. Now I understand that people don't leave because they want to. They just have to. I understand why you left. Probably by the time you read this I'll be out of this country. Where am I headed? I think it doesn't matter. I'll just find some place where it will be easy to forget how I let someone as beautiful and precious as you slip away from my hands like sand.

When will I return? Not anytime soon. I'll stay more than a decade, maybe two away from your life. Whether you decide to live here, or somewhere else, I won't let my claws hurt you again.

And I would never leave in the first place, would come back to you in a heartbeat, but what if nothing about me changed? You said I made you cry. I'm not a person who hurts people, and to think that of all people I hurt the one girl I care most about, up to the point that her beautiful eyes were soaked because of me, makes my heart ache so bad.

I would come back to you, but what if I made you cry again? So I have decided to stay away. Forever. I would rather stare out into cold, dark nights engulfed by loneliness, thinking that you're warm and happy than know that I am the reason for tears in your beautiful eyes.

Just like I never forgot you for a second in the past five years, I won't forget you in the coming years either. With every breath I will remember you. As I walk away from here today, empty handed... the only true loss is you, because nothing and no one can replace you.

Please forgive me for all the hurt I caused you.

Only yours.
Jeon Jungkook

P.S: I made some bean sprout soup for you. It's supposed to be good for hangovers :)

I folded the letter, not caring about the tears rushing down my face. If he had left this penthouse, there was no way I would be able to reach him now. Because I had no idea where he was headed. Let alone knowing which city or country, I didn't even know if he was leaving through an airport or a harbor.

I reached out my trembling hand to touch the bowl of soup. As my fingertips touched the lifless porcelain, my heart clenched painfully and a sob escaped my lips.

The bowl was cold.

He had left quite a time ago.

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