Crazed Minds | ✔️

author's note

If you've gotten to the end of this book, you deserve a hug. Okay, some of it's cringe - I know. But I had a story to tell, and I wanted to tell it.

However, I worked hard on this. I put most of my free time (which is minimal because of exams and homework) into this book, and if you've managed to read Crazed Minds, then I'm glad I did spend time on it. If it was special to someone, or made at least one person smile or feel a little bit happier after reading, I know this has been worth it.

This book means a lot to me because it deals with some things I've gone through myself. I had depression for a long time. It wasn't the 'I'm feeling miserable right now' depression. It was something you can't really explain. It was the 'I feel miserable every day and there's nothing I can do about it and I can only think about the bad things' type of depression. I felt lonely. I was distanced from my family. My friends were treating me like I was an outsider and that didn't help.

Prior to Wattpad, I wrote a 90,000 word novel on my computer, word document format and all. I even sent it to an agent. But my age at the time was an issue, and it meant they didn't want to take me on. This knocked me back a few thousand steps from where I wanted to be, and it definitely took its toll. I know writing is about rejection, but I knew my age back then was always going to be an issue, didn't matter who I sent my book to. Anyhow, I kind of drifted off writing, my first rejection having put me off entirely.

Post-rejection, I found myself bored of my life. I was in a slump- I was stuck in a dark place and I didn't know what to do to get out. It felt like every time I tried to do right the world was doing me wrong. I thought the world was unfair. I thought, Why? I don't hurt anyone. All I do is try to help the people I care about. So why is this happening to me?

And it felt like I wasn't getting an answer to this, and it put me even further into a slump.

It was actually my dad who encouraged me to start writing again. He sat me down one night and told me to put all this emotion, all this anger and frustration and loneliness into art. To draw, to write, to make music. So I did. And I began my ascent out of the dark place.

I'd been juggling this idea for a long time, about a group of teenagers who are made to feel crazy and consequently lonely for things they can't control. I wanted to create characters that could speak to my audience and send a message to anyone who is going through dark times, and here it is:

There's always going to be someone who's going through hell just like you.

Writing is very personal to me. It helped me through a seriously hard time in my life, and to be able to tell a story about people who are also struggling with their own situations, it felt like I wasn't alone. Even if the characters are figures of my imagination.

This book is meaningful in regards to what it faces. Mental health is a really important issue for me, and I believe in helping those who think they don't have anyone to help them. And what better way to show that then a school built for kids like this- a school that doesn't ignore mental illnesses and treats it seriously, which our education system can learn a thing or two from.

I think people need to be aware of depression, and the feeling of loneliness and anxiety and mental health in general. And I wanted to get across how important it is to treat mental health with care, like if it was an issue you were having with, say, your lungs or your heart, not your brain. Rosa and Jasper dealt with Liv's situation in the wrong way entirely. They used violence when people like Olivia need care and love.

I also want to remind anyone reading to treat everyone this way- with love. Because you don't know what is going on inside their head. You don't know what has happened to them in the past and you also don't know what they've needed to do to get where they are. This is very important.

It's obvious I'm not a professional. But I am a person who has gone through this. I understand how hard it is. It's so hard. And it'll be hard for a long time before things get better. But sometimes hearing that someone understands is enough to help. Even just a little bit.

I also believe social media plays a big part in mental health. The standard that apps like Instagram and Facebook have set for what a perfect person or a perfect life looks like is disgusting. Because everyone is beautiful and everyone has the ability to make their life the best it can be. At an extremely low point in my life, I deleted Snapchat because of all the hurt it caused. People acting like because they have a phone screen to shelter them, it doesn't matter what they say to people. And that's just wrong. I'm not just saying it, but pushing it out of my life worked. There's a world outside of streaks and snapchat stories. You have a life, you don't need to show everyone everything about it. And once you understand this concept, this concept of being you're own person and living life from your own eyes and not from your phone screen, you'll be happier.

Go out and live your life, not to show people how incredible it is, but to show yourself how incredible it is.

I do understand that social media is an important part of some people's lives, I get that and I totally support it. But if it's causing you any pain, even just a little bit of sadness or anger, push it out of your life.

From me, and from everyone who cares about you - you deserve to be happy.

With love,

Eva x