Searching for Answers

Chapter 5 - The big secret

I held the picture in my hand, sort of mortified. I promised myself I would never think back to that night. I kept my head down, blankly staring at the picture, so Chris wouldn't see the hurt in my eyes. I tried to fight the flashback of that horrible night but it came flooding threw my mind.

~ FLASHBACK ~

Me : Sara please can we just stay in tonight, I don't feel like going out.

Sara : No! This party is going to be huge, we have to go! Cmon Lex please!!!

Me : Fine. But I won't be happy about it. You know I'm not good at parties.

Sara was my best friend. I knew here all my life, well for the 15 years we've been alive. I couldn't imagine life without her, even though she could be a pain in the ass. Sara drug me upstairs so we could get ready for the party. Sara was driving so I had to make sure she didn't get hammered. I couldn't drive because I am 15, she is 17. We looked the same age despite the 2 year gap. Me and Sara got dressed and did our make up then headed to her car.

( Lexxi's outfit : http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=96398995 )

I slid into the passenger seat as she slid into the drivers side and we drove to the party.

Me : Who's party is this anyway?

Sara : One of the popular kids. They said we could come, that's why I begged you to come. We could make popularity tonight Lex.

Me : You know I could care less about being popular.

Sara had a thing for becoming popular. But I didn't. I'd rather be a nobody so no one would notice any mistakes I made.

We arrived at the party and Sara parked then we walked to the door side by side. The music was loud so we didn't bother knocking, we just walked right in. Not even two minutes after we got in the door, Sara darted for the table filled with alcohol. I planned on not drinking but Sara brought me a drink and nearly forced it down my throat.

Sara : Loosen up Lex! Just have fun tonight! Stop being so uptight!

I hated when Sara called me uptight. I wasn't uptight, I was just responsible. But I decided to listen to her. The more fun I had the faster time would pass. After getting another drink I walked to the back yard and looked for someone I knew. In the corner of my eye I saw chris walking over to me. He was gorgeous.. I liked him since the 5th grade, but never said anything.

Chris : Hey Lex, you look good tonight.

I blushed. Was my crush hitting on me?!

Me : Thanks, Sara begged me to come tonight.

Chris : I see, but you're not her fucking puppet, I see how she treats you like one.

I never thought of it like that... But it made sense.

Me : I know I just... I don't know.

Chris : Well why don't you come in and dance with me?

I nodded and followed him inside to the living room, which was made as the dance floor tonight. The more I danced the more I drank. Sara came over and started talking to us for a while. Chris wanted a picture with us so we took one, then Sara walked away, leaving me alone with Chris again.

2 hours later ..

I was drunk off my ass. I saw Sara flirting with some guy on the balcony as me and Chris were stumbling up the stairs to find an unoccupied bedroom. When we found one he pulled me in and closed the door, then locked it. I backed up to the wall and he stumbled over to me. I starred into his eyes, wishing I had been able to do it sober. I know where this was headed but I didn't care. Chris cupped my chin softly and kissed me with so much passion I almost exploded. I kissed him back, never wanting to let go. He guided me to a the bed and laid me down gently, slowly crawling up, hovering over me. He kissed me again, slowly and tenderly, then trailed gentle kisses down my neck, down to my chest. He looked at me as if asking for permission to go lower and I nodded. He gently pulled my dress down, exposing my breasts. I felt a bit nervous, but his tender kisses made it go away. He lowered himself to my thighs, and kissed up my thighs, sliding the skirt of my dress up as he got close to my panty line. When he reached it, he nibbled at the top of my panties, pulling them off slowly with his teeth. He brought his lips back to mine and kissed me slowly as I pulled at his belt. I fumbled with it until he took it off himself, followed by his shirt, pants and boxers. I looked down at his length, and prepared myself for the pain. He gently rubbed my wet folds, getting faster and gently sliding a finger in me. I held back a moan until he inserted another finger. I quietly moaned his name. His hard length was rubbing against my thigh, making me want him more.

He whispered in me ear ' Are you ready?'

I bit my lip and nodded. He slid into me slowly and gently, driving me crazy. Once I was comfortable he picked him his pace, causing moans to slip from my lips. I gripped his back and wrapped my legs around his waist, making him go faster and faster until I came. He quickly pulled out and released himself onto my stomach. He laid next to me, breathing heavily. Our fingers were intertwined for a while.

Me : Chris... I love you. I have since we were in 5th grade. I was always to afraid to tell you.

Chris smiled and turned my face to look at him. 'I always liked you Lex, I don't get how you didn't see that.' We got up and got dressed. I wiped my stomach clean before putting my dress back on. I looked at Chris, who was inching closer to me. As our lips got closer, I heard screams coming from outside. I rushed to the window, looking down. I screamed and ran down the stairs, not bothering to wait for Chris. I ran outside and pushed past the crowd of people, until I came to my best friend laying on the ground with a small pool of blood staring to form around her head. I dropped to my knees, crying heavily and grabbed her head, pleading she would open her eyes, move a finger, anything to show she was alive. 'SARA PLEASE! ANSWER ME PLEASE STAY WITH ME SARA PLEASE SARA WAKE THE FUCK UP' I was screaming at the top of my lungs.

10 minutes passed with police and EMT's showed up. Police questioned witnesses and I watched as EMT's worked on Sara, pleading for them to keep trying. After 15 minutes, the EMT's pulled a white sheet out of a bag, covering Sara's body, causing me to crash to the ground, hysterically crying. A cop came over to me.

Cop : Were you and the victim close?

Me : Yes...

Cop : Witnesses said she was intoxicated and was dancing with a young gentlemen, she got up on the ledge and wouldn't get down and fell. I'm sorry for your loss. Come to the station, I'll call your parents.

~ END OF FLASHBACK ~

After the flashback I was crying hysterically. I had sex with Chris and hadn't thought about it. I loved him but let myself forget about him because of that night. I lost my best friend. I held her limp lifeless body in my arms. After that night I vowed to myself that I would not think about that night ever again..

Chris : Lex I'm so sorry. Once I realized who you were I thought you remembered.

Me : Chris, I'm so sorry... After that night I never thought about what happened because I lost Sara... I got depressed and stopped going to school. I was home schooled.. I never talked to anyone from school... I basically shut down.

Chris : I know, I understand... Lex I really did love you. I still love you. I'm here for you.

I hugged Chris, still crying. He pulled me onto his lap, and I guess the guys heard me because they all came running. I just kept crying and Chris held me. None of the guys spoke, they just walked back to the front, leaving me and Chris alone.