Jungkook: The Friendly Ghost

15. FXXK IT

(just a A/N at the start, the BigBang joke in here REALLY did not age well. This was written long before THAT happened. I will edit it eventually but for now it is still there) 

Oh how the tables have turned.

It used to be me. It was always me, measuring my every word, careful not to push him too far, careful not to trigger him or mention something that might push him into the depressed state, causing him to lash out like he sometimes did.

Even now, when I'm not even sure of my name or if this is actually happening, I can see the change on him. Jungkook is completely and utterly freaked out.

I should really learn how to give this guy more credit.

There was no doubt in my mind that he would jump right into the "I told you so" mood, pointing out how he was right and how he's the smart one, while I'm a fool, idiot and a stupid, stupid woman. I was ready, expecting backhanded comments, smirks and ha-ha, jokes on you mood.

I didn't get that. I didn't get anything like that.

He barely even talked to me. On the way home, he didn't say a single word and neither did I. When we got home, he just told me to sit down and stay silent if that's what I needed; I listened to him.

And here I am now, staring at the wall in front of me, ignoring his look of worry. He looks like a frightened kid, careful around me, just as I was always careful around him. It's his turn to walk on eggshells and it's my turn to lash out.

Or maybe not. After all, why would I lash out, on him, of all people? He was the one who tried to open my eyes, even if his ways weren't the nicest. He's the one taking care of me now; he's the one who's with me, going through this... current situation. Not Hobi, not Jimin, not Yoongi and sure as hell not Namjoon. Why would I lash out at the only person who doesn't deserve it?

"Now what?"

I don't even know if I'm asking myself, Jungkook or that useless waste of space that I used to call my boyfriend. I'm asking questions no one has the answers to.

"I'm not sure," Jungkook tells me and I finally force myself to look at him. He looks exactly like I imagined he would; confused, lost and worried.

"Didn't you say you were in love wants?" I ask, remembering how he used his own failed relationship and compared it to my own. "You're not haunting her around, are you? It means you're over it? How do you get over it?" I demand.

"JJ, I don't think that's how any of this should work, you-"

"That's not a straight answer Jungkook," I shake my head. "I need to know a fucking recipe. How am I supposed to get over this, as fast as possible, as soon as possible? Should I drink myself to death? Should I have sex with every male in my near vicinity? Do I punch someone? Tell me, what do I do?"

"First of all, it would be good if you stop freaking out for one goddamn second because your need to get over it won't escape you if you stay calm and rational!" his voice gives away the fact that he's frustrated, probably with my lack of experience with this. I imagine I must look like a complete idiot, not knowing how to deal with a breakup but how can I know if I never had one?!

"Okay, I'm calm," I lie. A lie it might be but my voice is a lot calmer than it was seconds ago. "Step two."

"Step two is that there is no step two," he lets out a humorless chuckle, shaking his head as he stares me down. "For one, every single person is different. We all deal with it in our own way. And two... you have years behind you, JJ. You won't be able to get rid of those years overnight."