sunrise || m.h.

Drugs

I didn't stay with Vee for much longer. I was still having a hard time wrapping my head around the thought of being in love with someone. Much less, someone I had only known for such a short amount of time. I said goodbye to her and started down the street, wrapping my sweater tightly around myself. Walking alone gave me time to think. I thought about Matty a lot. I thought about the way him smile could light up an entire room and how I couldn't help but smile too when he did. I thought about the way his hair was always perfectly messy, like he'd just woken up, but still managed to look perfect. I thought about how he cared for me unlike anyone else ever had, how he was my first kiss, the first boy that had ever liked me, and the first person I had ever caught myself falling in love with. 

As I walked home, I threw up my hood and watched my shoes on the pavement. I felt so strange. I didn't know how to feel. I felt happy and scared and confused all at once. I was nervous to go back home. 

I approached the tall apartment building and felt my heart rate pick up. I didn't know why I was so nervous. It was just Matty. Nothing had changed between this morning and now, so why was I so afraid?

Taking the lift up to our floor, I practically dragged my feet down the hall towards our flat. The air felt thin. I could barely breathe. Was I overreacting? Probably. 

As I opened the door of our flat, I was greeted by Matty sat on the floor, surrounded by people I didn't know. They were all laughing and shouting and had the same expression of being high, but somehow different. 

"Lee! You're back!" Matty said loudly, motioning for me to come over. 

Cautiously, I shut the door and shuffled my way towards the group of strangers. That was strange.

"Guys, this is Lee. She's my girlfriend." He introduced me. I felt my heart skip a beat at that word. Girlfriend.

I waved shyly and smiled awkwardly.

"Lee, this is Michael, Lindsey, Alex, and Ben. They're old friends of mine."

The four greeted me politely and sluggishly, looking like they'd pass out from their highs at any moment with big, dopey smiles on their faces. 

My eyes wandered to the table, where a white substance was powdered across its surface. It started to add up to me that they were not high from marijuana, but high on some other kind of drug. A glance in Matty's direction made my head spin. I had completely forgotten about Vee and I's conversation and was now worried about something much more prominent. 

I avoided joining them on the floor and walked around the group, towards the bedroom.

"Lee?"

I stopped just as I was about to turn down the hall and looked into his wide, sad eyes.

"Why don't you sit down? Have a good time?"

If it weren't for the drugs, it'd be impossible to resist. But the thought of whatever was sprinkled across the coffee table made me shudder.

"I'm really tired. I'm going to bed." I said, turning away from him and walking into his bedroom.

I shut the door behind me and let myself fall onto the bed. I stared at the wall in front of me and my mind went a million miles a second. What was I supposed to do? Tell them to leave? It was Matty's house, not mine. And either way, it'd be rude. I was stuck. Stuck and scared and a little bit hurt. What was Matty doing messing around with drugs? It scared me to know that he was sat just a few feet outside of the room with complete strangers and substances I knew nothing about. That he probably knew nothing about.

I stood from the bed and striped off my clothes, throwing on one of Matty's t-shirts and crawling under the covers. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, so I laid there for what felt like hours, staring at the blank walls of the bedroom. In reality, it'd only been half an hour before the door was pushed open and Matty's stumbling figure appeared in the doorway. I pretended not to notice and continued to lay motionless on my side of the bed.