What I Miss Most / #Damon - #Simon Cowell x #David Walliams

Winter Madness (Prologue)

Winter Madness (Prologue)

Winter came 'round leaving a biting, cold air in Detroit, Michigan. Pencil screeching. Snow fell into the ground and an icy mist drifted across our porch. I continued to draw as a handful of people walked aimlessly around him, not knowing who I am. I sat cross-legged as I draw illustrations for my upcoming book. (And mostly, stare at nothing as my mind wonder about many things)

I observe people a lot (not in a creepy way) and you know, this season is when I see them happier with all the bright lights, fancy ornaments, and all-around Christmas cheer everywhere. For some, it reminds a special kind of bittersweet sadness as they remember their last Christmas with their loved ones. I'm more of the latter. The reason why I can't write a damn children's book—who would read a sad book to their children?

I entered through the door, hung my coat on the rack and Bert ran after me. Our home is considerably larger compared to other houses here in our town with 4 bedrooms but it's not as grandiose as our home in UK but big enough to accommodate the three of us, including my beloved border terrier.

I climbed upstairs peeking through my son's bedroom then what I saw made me smile. Alfred is sleeping while cuddling my Mum, Kathleen. The only important people I cannot live without. I tucked them under a blanket so they would be warm as they sleep. Remembering how hard I fought for custody of my 4-year old Alfred and Bert. I swept his dark brown hair from his forehead. He sleepily opened his eyes and smiled, "Good night, Dada. Love you."
I kissed his forehead and whispered, "Good night, Alfie. Da loves you more. Sweet dreams." I left the room quietly, letting them sleep undisturbed.

I've gone to my room adjacent to Alfie's bedroom, removing my winter clothes as I wear my sleeping attire, a blue pyjamas and black shirt. I laid on my king-sized bed and retrieved my phone from the bedside table. I received the usual messages from Rob, Jimmy, and Matt asking how am I faring. I quickly replied a short message saying how cold it is out here and I got no obligations aside from writing books so I've been at home most days.

I've left Britain almost 6 months ago with my family after the finals of BGT. Literally after and without saying my good-byes to anyone, mind you. I've gone straight to the airport instead of the BGT after-party. I didn't renew my contract due to some...reasons. I shake my head to try not to think about it. Suffice to say, my leaving caused quite a public commotion when they discovered I won't be at the panel for the next season and living at the US for good. I just recently activated my Twitter and Instagram account a month ago. The people are still pestering me why I left the country without saying anything to the press. There's been paparazzis here and there when I go out of my new home but luckily, they didn't find out where I lived. Our neighbors are also tight-lipped about me, thankfully.

On January, they will start taping the auditions. This time for the last 6 years, I should be preparing for the tapings. I can't say that I miss it because I truly do. Including the BGT staff, crew, and of course, my friends who became my family since I met them 6 years ago from Ant & Dec, Stephen, Amanda, Alesha to...Mr. Cowell.
Yes, I call him Mr. Cowell in my mind instead of Simon. Or Si, Or sweetheart. Or darling. Or heart. I winced as I remembered Him. So you see the obvious, one time I loved him and for some reason only God knew why, he loved me back. The time where I new the true meaning of being happy and loved. Cherished. Then, life happened. Life who condemned me whenever I loved someone. Especially Him. The man I loved longer than I loved my wife for four years.

I closed my eyes and wrap my ears with my hands as I try to block off my thoughts but, it's too late, I felt them again all at once. Guilt. Desperation. Despair. Distress. Depression. Madness. Bitterness. Self-hate.
Fuck. I still love Him. I hate myself. Tears unbiddingly escaped. My body wracked as I sobbed. I miss you, Si.

Then it all goes black.

AN: Hope this made a good start. I'm open to constructive criticism and oh, if you don't like this ship, leave now. This is like David, it goes smuttier as time goes by 😂
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