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Eleven - Weather Inside

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I try not to worry about what Xavier said up on the roof, and considering he doesn't bring it up again, I tell myself I'm overreacting. Two thoughts swirl inside my head and this is clearly the bigger issue. The second is more benign, at least for Xavier. And that's about the girl Xavier likes.

Even our study session in the evening is unusually quiet. Although Xavier usually is quiet, I do talk, occasionally making lame attempts at conversation that he makes sure fail. Tonight though, I don't even try, keeping my eyes on my work and letting my mind wander back to all the girls in school.

Who the hell could it be?

Considering how Xavier is, I don't even know what kind of girls he likes. Does he like the flashy cheerleader; the snobby rich queen; the awkward geek; or the nerdy girl with braces? Okay, probably not the last one. Or maybe ... it is the last one ...

I glance at Xavier, who is busy solving a sum for our latest exercise. All black, silent, mysterious; these are some of the words that describe Xavier. Maybe this is the kind of girls he likes. The goth chicks who always have that 'meh' expression on their face. Maybe if I dressed in all black, applied racoon eye-makeup, and replied to every question with a shrug and bored look, Xavier would like me better. Maybe he would notice me and see that I actually want him to notice me.

I spot a pair of bright grey lights in the haze of my thoughts, suddenly blinking when I realize they're Xavier's eyes. He's looking right at me, frowning in the most adorable way, and I realize, I've been staring at him for God-knows how long.

"Done?" I ask quickly, sitting up straighter.

Xavier gives a single nod, looking uncertain as he holds his solved sum out towards me. I quickly scan it, barely able to make sense of anything.

"It's all good," I say, clearing my throat and handing the notebook back to Xavier before lowering my gaze to my own. I don't look up at him until it's time for him to leave.

The next day's calculus test goes well enough, considering that I had been focusing more on my Xavier-obsession than studying last night. But the highlight of the day isn't the test. It's my all-black attire.

I know we're not supposed to change for boys, yes, I'm not dumb. I also know he should like me for me. Besides, I'm not changing entirely. I'm just experimenting with a new style. It's just a one-time thing. Plus, Xavier will see that I'm actually trying to get his attention. And if he's also interested, he can see I am too.

Dad had stared at me as I made my way out of the house, but I hadn't given him the chance to speak, dressed in my black jeans, black top, and black hoodie. I had refrained form applying black makeup, not wanting Xavier to freak out when he sees me. What Xavier does after glancing at me, though, is frown for the entire calculus class. He looks like he's got the most complex conspiracy theory running through his head.

Maybe he's finally noticed me.

My assumption jumps out the window and commits suicide when he gets up right after class and leaves before I can stop him.

"What the hell happened to you?" Nancy asks me when I meet her and Odette in the café after class. "You look like you jumped in a can of black paint."

"Just trying a new style," I answer without paying much attention to them. Instead, my gaze passes over all the tables near the windows, resting on multiple girls that come in my line of vision.

Which window was it again? I can't seem to remember. Curse my dead-ass spatial skills.

"Aren't you eating anything?" Odette asks me, watching me with a concerned look on her face.

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