Everything We Ever Wanted [Everything #1]

EWEW - LWTBB 39: The Heavy Guilt of Shameless Sinners

E.W.E.W - L.W.T.B.B Copyright © 2012-2018  xXMopelXx All Rights Reserved.

Current Chapter Posted - Sunday, May 20, 2018

** WARNING ** 

The usual sexy stuff between Sam is Anna is present, be aware ;)

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{ Chapter 39 } : The Heavy Guilt of Shameless Sinners

The sins we commit weigh heavily on our mind, yet it is our mind that is weak enough to allow these heavy sins to be committed.

The words I penned in my diary many months ago flashed in front of me, wrapped with a healthy dose of irony and self-hatred.

"He's dead," I echoed more to myself, than to Sam.

I once heard that karma includes bad thoughts. And I'd hoped that Joey and his thugs would stop harassing me. That the torture would end. I wished Connor would just die – wished it aimlessly and half-heartedly. The misery caused by them nearly drove me to the edge; I debated suicide before resorting to drugs to suppress my pain.

I never knew my wish would come true.

My wish was my sin. My mind was weakened by the continuous torture I'd endured by their hands and it had allowed me, even for a split second, to wish for Connor's demise. To allow me to sin.

Careful what you wish for, Anna. My dad used to say. You might just get it...And not want it.

Sam's ragged breath ghosted over my cheek. He held me close, crushing my body to his like feeling the depth of my bones and muscles would bring him a sense of calm. A sense of righteousness. But really, was it so right to feel calm and righteous when everything around us felt like a chaotic blur?

Should we be allowed to feel at peace when it felt like my hands were tainted with blood, regardless of the fact that I hadn't pulled the trigger?

"I need to talk with, Richie. I need to start training for my fight."

His fight. Our fight.

"He's dead," I whispered again, needing to acknowledge the cold hard truth once more.

"And he's not coming back," Sam rumbled, and then kissed my temple and my cheeks. He kissed any expanse of skin that was available for his feasting mouth. "May the Lord forgive me, because I feel no regret over his death. I don't care if that makes me sound horrible."

I didn't care either.

"He's dead, Sam."

It's okay to make mistakes, Anna. Just don't sin. I could see my dad's scolding face.

Henry's thugs had sinned when they killed my father. I didn't kill Connor, but it sure as hell felt like it. Was there really any difference between mistaking and sinning?

"He's dead, baby."

My eyes stung anew. You'd think after everything that unfolded tonight, I'd be too exhausted to cry.

Yet here I was, breaking apart in Sam's arms as he tried to hold me together.

My palm over his thundering heart, I choked. "W-Where's my guilt, Sam?"

The soft scrape of his stubble against my cheek grounded me, keeping me away from my daze. His tempestuous eyes burned fiercely into mine.

"Where's my guilt for all of this? Why do I not feel it? Why do I not feel bad that Danny killed him because of me – because of us?"