A Little Less Lonely Now (boy)²

seven

~Caden's P.O.V.~

I sat alone in my car outside my house. Droplets started falling down the steering wheel and I touched my cheek. A few tears fell over my fingers.

What did I just do?

I left Simon at the party with no way home.

What is wrong with me. I am not drunk. Why did I kiss Simon? There were tons of girls vying for my attention. I just couldn't handle all of it, so I ran into the nearest room. A-and he was there. And I don't know what happened. I don't know what I felt. A weird desire to kiss him. I'm not sure. I can't be gay. It isn't possible. I have a reputation to uphold, and my parents would disown me. I hope no one with any sort of consciousness saw us. I know the door was open. Damn. My life could be over because of one stupid impulse.

One stupid impulse.

One impulse.

One..

One decision?

One want?

Did... Did I want it?

How will I face the whole school if they all find out? How will I even face Simon on Monday? What am I going to do?

When I got out of the car, I slammed the door shut. I didn't care who I woke up. Everything was already falling apart right in front of me, might as well make the neighbors angry at me too. I had seventeen messages from random people. My mom asking me where I was. My dad telling me just to make it home safe and not to late because we have church in the morning. Oh right, I forgot my whole church would disown me if I was gay too. I wonder if Simon goes to church. He isn't gay, so he probably does. No reason for him to be disowned. No Caden. Stop thinking about it. I had a few messages from random numbers, and one from Simon. I couldn't bear to listen to it, so I shut off my phone and unlocked the front door.

My mom and dad were already asleep, so I tiptoed past their door. In my room I laid out an outfit for church in the morning. My pajamas were still laying on the floor from when I changed earlier today, so I peeled off my clothes that smelled like other partygoers and booze and threw them into the dirty bin. I put on my sweats and went to the bathroom to wash my face.

In the mirror I saw lipstick marks spotted on my face; they were everywhere but my lips. I brought my hand to my lips and they came away slightly sticky with some lip balm. I don't use Chapstick. Where did this- oh. This is from Simon. I grabbed a piece of toilet paper and wiped off all the lipgloss and Chapstick. I splashed water in my face and climbed into bed for a night of restless sleep.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{} (Author's Note~ Guys, these look like little penguins holding hands. :3)

8:00 A.M. Sunday Morning

"Son, wake up! It's time to get ready for church! Pastor Ben is going to have a special speaking today, and I don't want to miss it!"

"Okay, dad. I'm up, I'm up." I pulled the covers to the side of my bed and sat up. My eyes stuck together with a few dried tears and sleep deprivation.

"Good. Now hurry and get ready! Mom is making bagels with your favorite cream cheese."

"Awesome. I'll be down in five."

How can they be so happy? It's like they don't even consider the possibility of their son being even remotely gay. They don't think that would ever happen because they believe in God and apparently it's sin to love the same gender. Why am I so frustrated with this? I am not gay. No. Way.

I hopped down the stairs two at a time and grabbed my bagel off the counter. Mom and dad were already in the car, so I ran outside and ate my bagel on the way to church.

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~Simon's P.O.V.~

8:30 A.M. Sunday Morning

Ah, Grendel Hills Church. Such a welcoming place for the gays. Aha. That was a load of sarcasm dipped in sarcasm sprinkled with a fine dust of sarcasm.

I walked up the steps of the church behind my mother. She knew I was gay, but hid it from the church, her friends, our family. Everyone. She's been very careful with how people perceive her and her son since my father died. She wants everyone to believe that she has it all together and her son is going to grow up to be very successful with a nice wife and the statistically average 2-4 children.

Ha, that is never going to happen. She can believe it all she wants, but someday people have to find out about me. Whether she likes it or not. The only thing I am really worried about is the church. I like it church, bit this one is kind of judgmental. Why can't we live next to a nicer one? I believe in God, and I am still gay. Big whoop people, get over it.

The doors were shut as we sat down, and the Christian songs began to play. I thought I saw a familiar tuff of golden hair and my heart stopped, but I was probably mistaken. I sat back in my pew, and stared off in space thinking about everything that happened last night. Butterflies still swarmed violently inside of me, and I couldn't stop them. I tried to think about anything else but last night, but the only other thing I could think of was who was getting me out of a locker trash can tomorrow morning.