Chances & Changes

These Are My Confessions

Trey P.O.V

~~~

" I'm in love with you Jasmine". The words I thought I would never say out loud or admit to her face; I'm finally saying.
" You said what"? She takes a step back and looks at me, her eyes filled with a mix of confusion and shock.
" I love you Jazz --- more than just a Bestfriend".
Shaking her her head in disbelief, she starts walking out of the kitchen. I pull the hood on her onesie and pull her back
" Hold up. I just tell you that I'm in love with you and you try to walk out on me? Damn it's like that Jazz?" Pausing suddenly she turns around with tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Not knowing what to do or say, I just stand there and look, waiting for her to say something.
" So you mean to tell me that you've so called been in love with me? I really think you playin' right now", she says crossing her arms and staring at me.
" So you don't trust me now? Why would I lie to you about some shit like this, you know me better than that", I say a little taken aback.
" Nigga why should I if we just now havin this conversation; confessin' and shit like you Usher? What's next you got somebody 3 months pregnant and she's keepin' it. Yo stop playin' with me". I look at her and try to hide my laugh.
" And why, why do you have this love for me? Other than just being your Bestfriend, I'm not even---"
" What you mean", I ask confused.
" I'm just like one of the guys to you. What's so special about me, because I know I can't be attractive to you? Most of the time I'm in Nike sweats and slides, my hair is always in braids or wild, and---".
" Yo, stop putting yourself down. You're not just one of the guys to me. If you wore Sketcher outfits everyday, I'd tell you the freshest out here, no doubt. And if you rocked the Nipsey Hussle braids faithfully everyday, I'd tell you them jawns was crispy. Or if you had a fro from the 70s I---".
" Nigga I get it. I just don't see it", she says looking away. I grab her chin so she could look at me.
" Jazz you're beautiful to me. Wild hair, braids, sweat pants it doesn't matter. That's what makes you different from everybody else; you're beautiful inside and out" She moves my hand.
" So how long have you felt like this?"
" Since we were kids. But it was highschool when I realized that my feelings ran deeper than just a regular friendship. And at that time we just started highschool. What nigga really knows what love is or feels like, so I was confused because it was new to that type of shit. I was scared our relationship would grow apart if I would've told you how I really felt. I thought it would be awkward because we have the type of vibe and bond that no one could ever understand. You know I don't talk about my feelings like that, so keepin it under wraps was easy for me to do. I would never want anything like that to come in between that and tear us apart--- I wouldn't know what to do without you."
Walking towards her and trying to grab her hands, she backs up and shakes her head and mumbles something under her breath.
" What you say"?
" I said that's bullshit."
I run my hands over my face and let out a deep sigh.
" Jazz, I was never trying to hurt you."
" It doesn't even matter Trey because either way it goes I'm still hurt! You kept this shit from me for damn near half of our lives, and now when you get put on the spot you tell me this. This is some shit that you should have been told me. You keep sayin', I did this, I felt like that. It just shows how selfish you are; it's not always about you and what you think is right. My feelings are important too".
" What do you mean, selfish? All a nigga was tryin' to do was keep our friendship from ending, how the fuck is that selfish. You so stubborn you don't even see that I did this because I care", I say trying to keep my irritation at a medium.
She throws her hands up in exasperation.
" Like I said, if you gave at least one fuck about me and my feelings you would've told me been told me this. This is not something you keep under wraps because it's beneficial for you. You know you don't have to sugarcoat anything with me no matter wh--- you know what I'm through with this conversation.
She pushes past me and, I grab her arm tightly.
" Where the fuck you think you goin'? You saying all of this shit like you feel the same way. If that's the case you're no better than me."
Snatching her arm away from me she looks me in my eyes, her tears streaming down her face.
" There are things that you still don't know about me because I was scared that you wouldn't have wanted anything to do with me. And I'm still scared that if you find out you would just leave me to be alone again--- So you're right Trey. I am in love with you. And I kept this from you is because you could never be happy with me Trey--- that's all I want for you is to be happy."
" Jazz, loo---"
" Bye Trey". She walks past me out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I don't even bother going after her; I've already done enough, and she needs her space. Taking a seat on the stool, I cross my arms over the counter and rest my head, feeling a headache start to form.
" What just happened bro", I let out a sigh. I close my eyes and Jazz's face pops up. All I saw was pain in her eyes, and it makes me want to throw up. Never in life would I try to purposely hurt her to the point where she couldn't hold back her tears like I just did.