London Nights (A Modern!Soulmate!Marauders Era AU)

Chapter Five: Getting It, Together.

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room
John Mayer
_______________________________

"Why did you abandon me in our third year?" She asked, trying to hide the emotion in her voice, her eyes, and on her face.

Sirius looked at her with wide eyes, stunned by her question. Hadn't he already explained why? Judging by the look on her face, he hadn't, and maybe he shouldn't. The reasons he'd had were too personal, and pertained to his family's ideals. But she had the right to know why after all this time he suddenly wanted a connection with her.

"Kara, you have to understand that I was still trapped under the influence of my family and their ideals." He started, his hands itching to take hers and hold them, an action that had once been so casual.

"I know that, Sirius. Are you saying that's why? You were afraid of your parents?" She looked at him carefully, her face softening, but her eyes stayed confused and unsure.

"No! Not entirely." Sirius shook his head, figuring that if he was ever going to tell her it might as well be now.

"Then what was it? What were you so afraid of that you left me alone?" She choked, her voice cracking with impatience and anticipation, her gold eyes full of betrayal.

"Kara, I was afraid of you. I was afraid of the way you made me feel. I was terrified of-" He started, reaching out and taking her hands, hoping she would just listen to what he had to say.

"You were afraid of me?" She whispered, a horrified look in her eyes as she pulled her hands from his.

"No, I wasn't- that wasn't what-" He stuttered, reaching out to touch her face as he had always wanted to.

"Then what was it? Because it sounds as though everything we were to each other  then was lie!" She breathed deeply, trying to keep her anger at bay and her voice from raising.

"I never lied to you! I swear it, Kara!" He took her face in his hands, leaning over her small cat, looking her in the eye.

"Then what was it? Some game? Sirius I waited for you to quit your games and come back for months before I realized I didn't matter anymore! You had moved on, and with one of my best friends even! Do you realize how long I held onto the hope you'd even look at me the way you looked at Marlene?

"I was heartbroken, Sirius! I thought that something was finally working out the way I'd wanted it to, but in the end it was all some lie that constantly comes back to mock me every time I see you! Sirius I was falling in love with you, and you didn't even care!" She smacked his hands away, standing up quickly, horrified at what she had just revealed to him.

She turned away from him, her head in her hands, tears rolling down her cheeks in embarrassment, anger and pure heartbreaking agony. She heard him move, his shoes making sound against the floor as he walked. Kara felt his hand touch her shoulder, making her turn to him in half hope, half anger.

"Kara, I'm sorry. I didn't- I didn't know." Sirius started, shaking his head as he spoke.

"Don't. Just... don't. I don't want your apologies, or your pity. I thought I would actually get an answer from you; I thought I could actually talk to you like a normal person. But I, as I always seem to be when it comes to you, am wrong. Coming here was a mistake." She said, stepping away from him and gathering her things.

Kara took her blanket from the arm of the sofa, gently sliding her hands under her small cat, and picking her up as well. She walked quickly towards the stairs, unable to keep herself from looking back. Sirius stood there, watching her as she walked away, not going after her or calling out her name. Kara felt the last shreds of hope in her heart disappear as she ran up the stairs, fat, hot tears sliding down her cheeks.