LOVE TO HATE YOU

ICBIJCIFOTHGOTP!

My teenage sister sends me SMS's sometimes that I barely understand. Punchy terse messages, CAPS-a-plenty. It felt like one of those moments that required a whole string of them.

"Now I know I'm in love..." WTFH, WTF, OMG, AB bloody C. Had he really said that?

My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I clutched the steering wheel. The road was long and straight, but we were creeping along slowly. All I wanted to do was speed up and away from the office as fast as possible.

My office had always been a happy place that I loved going to. But all that had changed in only a matter of hours. And I seriously doubted it would ever feel the same again. The implications of Ben working there were huge. It was only a matter of time before it came out and everyone in the office knew. I would be branded the office ho-ho. Or it would only be a matter of time before he notched many more of my co-workers names onto his bedpost. The thought revolted me.

I had to keep reminding myself to breathe. I wound down the window-my car was invented before such fancy things as electric windows and power steering-and stuck my face into the wind like an excited dog. I needed air. Air is good. Breathe.

The deep breathing did little to help, though. My brain was so jam-packed with a thousand different thoughts that there was little room for anything else. Fortunately, autopilot kicked in as I made my way through the five-o'clock traffic.

My pink panties were burning a hole in my pocket. And a question was burning a hole in my brain: Why the hell had he been carrying my panties around with him, in an envelope no less? Does he have a panty-thieving fetish?

I looked at the time on my cell phone, it had only been thirteen hours since I'd slept with him, and in that time it felt like my entire world had come crashing down around me. I needed to get home; at least I would be free of him there.

I drummed my steering wheel and turned on the radio in hopes it might distract me. My car had been built around the time dinosaurs walked the earth, so it only had a cassette player in it. Lame, I know. The music did little to distract.

I just couldn't stop thinking about it. The thought of walking into work day after day scared the living shit out of me. I'd been mortified enough when I'd had to make the run of shame across the parking lot the night before, and now it would feel like I was making that same walk of shame every single morning as I marched to my desk.

I felt sick. I needed chocolate.

I turned into the nearest gas station convenience store and raided the closest shelf of chocolates. Normally, it would be hard to choose, but at a time like this, less was definitely not more. I shoved several chocolates into my basket-dark, white, nuts, mint, M&Ms, you name it

I had absolutely no shame at this point-hey, half a gay club had seen me semi-nude and my boss had been walking around with my panties-I started unwrapping the chocolates right there in the parking lot. I shoved a handful of M&M's into my mouth and suddenly remembered that I needed milk, so I turned back toward the shop, but as I did...

"Sera." It was him.

I jumped as if I'd just seen a ghost.

"What the hell are you-"

But before I could finish the sentence, one of the M&M's went down the wrong pipe and I started choking. 

Real choking. Real gasping for air and going blue in the face choking. 

I grabbed Ben's shoulders in a total panic and tried to communicate the seriousness with him. I couldn't breathe and for a moment there I actually thought I was going to die. But, just before it felt like I was going to black out from lack of oxygen, I felt two arms wrap around me tightly.

So there we were in a parking lot with my boss giving me the Heimlich maneuver. How embarrassing can you get?

He was strong, and with every squeeze, my whole body lifted off the ground. He did this several times before a blue M&M shot out of my mouth and bounced off the pavement. He clearly hadn't seen it, though, because he kept on going.

"Stop!" I finally managed to say in between coughs and frantic gasps for air. "Stop."

"Are you okay?" His voice came out fast and urgent as he turned me around and looked at me with wide, frightened eyes.

I nodded, while grabbing hold of my throat and still coughing. Crap. That hurt like hell.

"Fuck, you gave me such a fright. Don't ever do that again," he said while putting both hands on my shoulders and trying to look me in the eye. "You sure you're okay?"

Was I sure I was okay? Okay you ask?... No!

I was absolutely not okay. It was not okay that I'd slept with my new boss, that I'd left my underwear in his car, that I'd threatened to sue him for sexual harassment, called him a pervert and had now choked on an M&M in front of him. I was not okay at all. I was so embarrassed, I wanted to shrink down to the size of an ant and disappear.

"Sera? Are you okay?" He persisted, still trying to meet my gaze while I glanced anywhere but in his direction. He sounded genuinely concerned, more concerned than I thought he should be.

I nodded. "I'm fine. Sorry."

"Why you saying sorry?" he asked as one of his hands came up and touched my cheek in such a strangely intimate gesture.

I shrugged him off and took a step back.

"Are you sure you're okay to drive? I could drive you if you want?"

I shook my head. The last thing I wanted right now was to be in his car again.

"Thank you. I'm fine." And then a thought struck me. "Hey, what are you doing here anyway?"

"Following you of course," he flashed me a cheeky, devilish grin.

"What!" I gasped, and then proceeded to cough a few more times, my throat was clearly not ready for dramatic gasping.

"Joking, Sera. In case you hadn't noticed, this is the closest gas station to our office."

"I suppose you're right."

"Well, I'm really glad I was here," Ben said. He smiled at me again, but not like before. Not with that smile. The one that made you lose your wits, your clothes, your sense and your virginity, if you still had it. It was a warm, friendly smile now, which was completely strange and made me even more uncomfortable than his take-your-clothes-off-and-climb-under-me smile. He was standing with his hands on his hips, and he still looked totally ridiculous and utterly hot in that overly formal suit. He'd loosened the top button and tie now, so it had a slightly more casual look to it. The open button revealed a tiny bit of the chest tattoo that I'd run my tongue over 13 hours before. I wonder what the rest of the tattoo....okay.

Then the bastard leaned against his car casually and lit a cigarette. Just like he had the other night. Was he trying to remind me of it? Was this a deliberate attempt at trying to drive me mad with lust? 

"Um. No. No thanks. No." I quickly walked back to my car and jumped in. Then  my whole face flushed red and I burst into tears from sheer humiliation.

ICBIJCIFOTHGOTPWAHTBMNB! (I can't believe I just choked in front of the hottest guy on the planet who also happens to be my new boss)