Hurts*

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(Vienna. January 30, 1944)

    It was Olivia's soft singing that I woke up too. My eyelids slowly opened and I struggled to stop the wave of dizziness that had consumed me as I peered around the room. As my vision came into focus, I saw her perched on a chair beside me, her head bent down as she wrote on a piece of parchment. Her long raven locks were curled delicately and surrounded her heart shaped face. I couldn't tell what she was singing, the ringing in my ears was piercing through my skull causing me to feel sick. "Liv." My voice croaked out, sounding completely unlike me. The girl beside me had frozen, before her head slowly swiveled towards the sound of her name. It was the first time I could actually see her face. Dark bags were under bloodshot eyes, the steady blue in her irises had paled and they were currently drinking in every ounce of my face. Neither one of us moved as we looked at each other. It bothered me immensely that I couldn't tell what she was thinking or feeling, but I didn't have time to think of it before a sharp pain ran through my head, causing me to clench my eyes and let out a small whimper. "Vienna." She was moving towards me now, her face filled with worry and utter relief, she grasped my head between her hands and shushed me quietly. "Hold on Vienna." She was turning and practically running away as I lay there, my head pounding and daggers piercing my skin.

     "Oh my darling girl." Madame Ducane was above me now, and I struggled to focus on her tear stricken face. She had my head in her soft hands, peering into my eyes and shushing me quietly. "Oh my beautiful, brave, darling girl." I let out a sob at her words, causing her to gently lay my head down and rummage around her for some sort of potion. "Miss. Matthews can you help me sit her up?" Olivia was in my line of vision again, her eyes shining with un-shed tears and her breathing quite heavy. She gently begins to push me up, struggling with my body weight but eventually getting me into a sitting position. I lay practically lifeless in her arms, my back against her chest as I continue to struggle with my vision. "Drink this Vienna." The Matron comes into focus again with a strange liquid and I'm half tempted to push it away. If I wasn't so weak I probably would have. I deserve this pain. Olivia helps her give me the potion, gently laying my head back and messaging my throat so I would swallow. A few moments later the potion takes effect, lessening the pain in my head and body. But it does nothing for the images flashing through my mind and the gaping hole in my chest. "It's alright Vienna." Olivia's soft voice filters through my head and I begin to struggle to get out of her tight grip. 

     You failed us. Their faces flash through my head over and over again, like constant repeat and I helplessly lay there and watch as they fall. You failed us. I could feel the blazing hot tears as they stream down my face and an unwavering itch at the back of my throat. I blink rapidly trying and failing to clear my vision but not being able to really see three feet in front of me. Olivia's arms tighten considerably around me, as if she's trying to hold me together. But it's not working and I feel as if I'm falling apart at the seams. You failed us. Their voices echo around my head, so clear I'm almost convinced they're standing just in front of me, wrapped in the darkness that I couldn't see through. My breathing has become uncontrollable, gasping for breath and I'm now rubbing my chest painfully. I wanted to be let go. I wanted to go through that darkness and find them. You failed us. I'm struggling harder now against Olivia's arms. Trying and failing to get out and jump through the veil separating me from them. "Vienna. Stop." Olivia's arms had grown impossibly tighter around me and I let out an agitated scream. "Let me go!" My eyes search for a way to escape, but only see the darkness. It surrounds the small bed that I lay in, it suffocates and angers me. "I can't let you go Vienna!" Her voice breaks through my head again and the Matron enters and exits my field of vision. Panic is written all over her face, but I let out another scream. The pain and the anguish quickly consuming me, like wrapping me up in blanket made of thistles. "I can't do it anymore! I give up! Let me go! I GIVE UP!" The darkness get's closer with my screams, slowly reaching black tendrils towards me, beckoning me to break out of Olivia's grasp. You failed us. A burst of adrenaline rushes through me, and I throw myself out of my best friend's arms. My knees hit the stone floor painfully but I'm quick to rise to my feet again. I lurch forward, fully prepared to jump through the veil and get back to my time. To my friends. To my family. But just as I'm about to reach it, a dazzling light erupts to my right, practically blinding me and causing me to stumble. I land on all fours, body shaking and sobs escaping me. I hesitantly glance at the light, it's brightness seems to consume me, pushing away the darkness and their faces from my mind. I felt what little breath I had leave my lungs with a sob as I looked at the source.

     He stands right in the middle, completely surrounded by the brightness but taking cautious steps forward. My eyes meet brown and a warmth seems to fill me. He's leaning down now, making sure he doesn't startle me, a hand outstretched in an attempt to calm me. He doesn't say anything, just looks at me, drinking in my features and breathing heavy. Almost all of the darkness is gone now, wiped away with his presence but still leaving the hopelessness behind. It lingers in the air, clogging up the room and suffocating all who enter. "It hurts." My voice cracks and echoes around the room followed by another sob. He still doesn't say anything, just watches me carefully. There was no 'I know' from him, because he doesn't know. He'll probably never understand this pain, and the thought causes another rack of sobs to escape me. "It hurts so much." I can't meet his gaze anymore as I curl into myself, my arms cross my stomach, trying to hold it all in. My body shakes with the sobs, my hands release my stomach and clench tightly into my hair. "I don't have anyone left." It was a whisper,  spoken so quietly I didn't think he even heard me. My body begins to sway back and forth, a puddle forming on the floor from my crying. "You have me." His low melodic voice fills my ears, causing my swaying to stop and my head to snap to him. His brown eyes are warm, face full of worry and certainty. There's no trace of a lie and it causes my heart to stutter in my chest. I grasp my chest again with the sensation. It beats frantically under my palm, reminding me that I was still alive, still breathing, still feeling. "Vienna." He breaths out my name, it rolls off his tongue like a prayer and I meet his gaze again. "The bravest thing you could ever do, is to continue to live when you want to die." His words ebb and weave their way through my head, filling the wounds slowly and giving me feeling other then pain again.  

     I find myself crawling over to where he leans down, he doesn't move away from me when I reach him, he doesn't flinch or tense up as I wrap my arms around him, instead his arms pull me tight against his hard chest. His face buries into my neck and his hands hold me steady as I sob into his chest. Slowly the light fades and the Hospital Wing comes into focus. The sunlight shines through the window and illuminates the figures standing around us. Olivia still sits upon the hospital bed, tears streaming down her face and worry filling her face. Madame Ducane was standing next to Albus Dumbledore. Her arm rests on his forearm, as if she's trying to steady herself. Albus has a few stray tears dripping from his eyes and falling into his auburn beard. Abraxas stands not far from us, his face wet and breathing heavy. I felt as if I was waking up all over again, but instead of a deep rooted fear filling me, it was a new hope. "Tom?" He pulls away from me slightly, his eyes scanning my face over and over again. "I'm sorry..." He shushes me from continuing and leans his forehead against mine. "There's no need to apologize." You failed us. He gives me a small smile and gently leaves a light kiss on my forehead before pulling me into him again. I didn't really know what was happening, or how it happened, but Tom Riddle was on the floor with me, holding me in his arms and whispering comforting words in my ear. I haven't failed you yet. 





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