Three Idiots and a Ghost

Miniseries: A Cat's Chagrin (Part 2 of 2)

Narrated by the amazing Mr. Sprinkles

Since there is no way to express all of my fucking anger in one chapter, here's another one for you peasants to read and realize how useless and frustrating you are as a species. I sincerely hope you all go drown in a river like that bedsheet. Either that or the male ones get their balls cut off and become infertile. Yes, the second option would be better. It'll be a slow and painful death to humanity and a taste of their own fucked up medicine. Never has a sentence sounded so magnificent!

I happen to still have my balls intact. I'm just letting all you fine pussies out there know that Mr. Sprinkles is more than capable of sprinkling his magic all over you. And by magic, I mean **** all over that **** as I **** **** your **** until you **** and **** on my **** for dear fucking life.

(Part of the introduction had to be censored by the author to prevent this story from getting a mature rating.)

When a cat got stuck with three idiots

"Mr. Sprinkles, don't be afraid," the bitch said. "Come on out and see our new home. Look, Arch's here! We're going to be living with him now. You know him, little buddy."

"I wish I didn't know that homo," I groaned, but to the stupid slave it came out as one long meow.

"Aw, you're so cute! I just want to like munch you up, you little sprinkled munchkin!" the bitch squealed, making my highly sensitive ears hurt.

I sent him a death stare. "If you put your nasty food orifice anywhere near my body, your teeth won't be so fucking straight anymore­—"

In the middle of my threat, the bitch had the nerve to reach into my human-drawn carriage—yes, it wasn't a fucking cage—and pull me out. I hissed at how bright the room was. I much preferred the darkness.

My mood dropped even more into a shithole when the gay one stooped down to pet me. "Hey, Mr. Sprinkles. I missed you, bud."

"I didn't," I snapped. "Get your filthy hands off my luscious white fur! I don't want your gayness to rub off on me! I know I'm fabulous, but no fucking way do I want to be that kind of fabulous."

In that moment, the fuckboy made his appearance for the first time in my life. Needless to say, it wasn't a happy moment for me. Meeting new problems never was.

He said, "Arch, you weren't kidding when you told me this close friend of yours would bring along his cat?"

The bitch replied instead, "Of course not! I can't bear to be separated from Mr. Sprinkles for like even one day. He's my soulmate."

Unfortunately, he was speaking the truth, not about the soulmate part because that would be fucking disgusting. There really hadn't been a single day I didn't see that annoying ass face. I frequently pictured how it would look all bloodied up and torn to shreds by my claws.

The fuckboy grimaced, leaning in to the gay one to quietly ask, "Are you sure this friend is, you know, right in the head?"

"Hey, Coops may be weirder than most and embarrassing to hang out with in public, but he's a really nice friend to have. He's the type of guy you can't be sad around. He'll cheer you up no matter what, like a constant rainbow."

The fuckboy wasn't all that interested in what he had heard, only commenting, "Of course you'd make a rainbow reference."

After fangirling over my greatness, the bitch turned to the possible STD bank. "Look, man, I like totally get it."