sunrise || m.h.

Sex

Neither one of us slept that night. We stayed awake in the living room and when the drugs started to wear off, he'd rub more of it under my lips and we'd kiss. It was almost like a ritual. By the end of the night, my bottom lip was sore from him biting it. But I didn't mind. I kind of liked it.

I'd never been so intimate with someone before. We were always touching, kissing, holding hands, rubbing more powder under our lips. Sometimes, his fingers would stay in my mouth and he'd look at me with an expression I'd never seen before. Maybe it was admiration, maybe it was love. Maybe what I saw in his eyes wasn't only the cocaine, it was lust.

Red marks covered our skin from when things got a little too heated, but it never went too far. I swear, every time he kissed me or his lips touched my neck I became even higher than I was before, getting lightheaded and my fingertips were fuzzy.

His hands ran over my neck, my arms, my cheeks, my thighs, and I didn't mind. Every time he touched me, it felt like fireworks were being set off on my skin and I couldn't help but do the same to him.

I traced around every one of his tattoos, felt the slight bit of stubble he had on his chin, ran my fingertips over every inch of his exposed skin. We spent all night exploring each others skin, becoming familiar with the surface of each other and the inside of our mouths. I never wanted it to end. I wanted to spend the rest of my life right there, on the living room floor with Matty, inspecting his skin and memorizing each and every curl of his hair.

The sun was starting to rise, and we sat on the balcony, tangled in each other, watching the sky bloom. The air was cold, but we didn't care. He stood behind me as I watched from the railing, his arms around my waist and his head on my shoulder. The cocaine was starting to wear off, and I could feel things tempting to crash down. Turning towards him, I leaned my lips into his and kissed him for the millionth time that night.

"Do we have any more?" I asked, a smile spreading across my face.

Matty smiled a pretty smile, kissing me again. "Loving it more than me, are you?"

I laughed and pushed past him, pulling him inside by his hand.

"Not possible."

Swiping my finger over the surface, I stuck out my index to Matty's mouth, swirling the substance around his gums. He did the same to me, holding his hand on my cheek as he kissed me, biting my already sore lip and pulling me onto his lap.

I was still only in his t-shirt, my bare legs on either side of him. If I had never let him stick his finger into my mouth and give me my first high, there's no way I'd be where I was then. Sat on his lap, wearing only a slightly too big t-shirt and making out with Matty himself, hickeys and bite marks covering my skin. Only if past me could see this now.

He pulled away from me resting his forehead on mine, breathing heavy.

"I'm so in love with you."

I smiled, kissing him again, this time with more force.

"I love you too." I said, my lips still touching his.

We got so fucked up that I wouldn't be able to remember it the next day. Not even a full 24 hours had passed and I'd become addicted, to the cocaine and Matty. I couldn't stay away from him. And apparently, he couldn't stay away from me, either. We were constantly touching. Holding hands, making out, lying on the floor together in silence. We shared cigarettes and laughed and made out and fell in love. I played with his hair and he marked my skin with his mouth. I traced his tattoos over and over again and he kissed every inch of skin that wasn't covered by clothing. I lit his cigarettes for him and his stuck his fingers in my mouth just so I could feel what they tasted like. His touch made my skin burn. His kiss spread across it like wildfire, sending sparks throughout my entire body. My hands ran across his chest and under his shirt and into his hair and any place they could find. He pulled me closer to him, breathing against my neck and sending shivers down my back. I pulled his hair, he kissed me hard. He bit my lip, I nipped at his skin, signing my name with little red marks saying "Hayley was here". My shirt came up, showed more skin, more that he could touch, that had been unexplored. Before I knew it, he was rubbing my gums and pulling his shirt over my head. He stared at me with lustful eyes and I undid the buttons on his shirt, running my hands where they had not yet been and dragging my fingertips down his ribs. He pulled me closer to him, onto his lap where I'd been countless times before in the last twelve hours and he kissed my unmarked skin. I pulled his hair and kissed his neck and felt a feeling that I'd never felt before. Maybe it was the cocaine. Maybe it was the excitement of feeling in love. Maybe it was feeling that teenage lust I never got to experience, or maybe it was just all in the moment.

We fucked, and it was something that couldn't be described. We didn't speak, we found every inch of skin on each others bodies and claimed it as ours, kissing again and again and again and a new kind of euphoria washing over me.

We laid on the living room floor, tangled in each other and fully exposed. Bite marks and hickeys covered both of our skin, we'd been claimed. Matty's lip had a small split where I'd bitten it too hard and his hair was tangled from grabbing it. Red marks covered my neck, my chest, and up my thighs, and Matty had definitely done this before. His back had red columns etched into it that fit the size of my fingers and faint marks in the shape of my tiny hands on his arms. To sat the least, it was the best experience I'd ever had.

As we laid on the ground, staring up at the ceiling and coming down from our highs, we fell in love all over again. I didn't think it would be possible to fall in love with someone like Matty Healy, but I proved myself wrong and found myself completely head over heels for him. I was in love. And it was something I never wanted to fall out of.