Slight trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and reference to eating disorders
have a nice day ::))
Camila's POV:
It's been like two months since I've properly seen my dad. He goes back and forth between home and Arizona. I really don't know how to deal with this or how to help. I want to go visit him but it also hurts to see him in so much pain.
In other news, I'm getting closer to announcing that I've decided to go solo. I really don't know how to tell the fans..or the girls. Everything just seems useless.
Everything is useless.
Why is life even a thing?
Life seems useless to me.
I really need to stop these random negative thoughts before they get too..intense. Problem is, I can't really control them. Everything that's happening currently, I can somehow overthink it into a bad situation. That's all I'm good at now, overthinking. Making myself feel like shit. Those two, drinking water, and preforming that's all I do now. I barely talk anymore. If I do it's always quiet and short.
Maybe if you weren't alive, you wouldn't be such a bother to everyone.
Lauren's POV:
I don't know how to help. I feel useless, watching her stare off into the distance. She looks so hopeless, so...lifeless. I want to help but it's not like I'm Jesus, I can't magically heal her dad. I'd give anything to take away his illness and give it to myself. Even if I wasn't fine, at least her and her family would be ok. But now, all I can do is sit here watching her and wonder what she's thinking about.
Do you really need to ask yourself what she's thinking about?
Yeah, you're right, I'm stupid.
Anyway, she's been really distant and I'm not exactly sure why. I've been trying to help her, give her comfort. Sometimes she takes it, other times she just walks away, never saying a word. Maybe I can talk to her now?
"Camz? Do you wanna talk?" I place my hand on her shoulder. She flinches away but relaxes when she comes out of her trance. She looks at me and gives a small, fake smile. She looks so fatigued...has she been eating?
Ask her you fucking idiot.
"Have you been eating?" She just looks down at her lap and scratches the back of her head. I honestly didn't expect her to answer, but the silence answered me anyway. After a moment she slowly shakes her head.
"Not really.." she answers very quietly.
"Baby, you need to eat. You have to take care of yourself. We don't want you to be in the hospital again, ok?" I feel really bad for not even noticing. How long has she not been eating?
I hear a small sniff from besides me and see a tear drop to her hands on her lap.
Great, now you've upset the girl.
"Please don't cry, I'm just really worried about you. I don't wanna lose you, even if it's for a day or two at the hospital. I love you and care about you so so much, I hate seeing you hurting," I wrap my arms around her and–wow, she's burning up.
"Babe, are you sick? It's like 99 degrees outside, why are you wearing a long sleeve?" she doesn't answer, but I don't want to upset her more. I carry her to her bunk and lay her down before going to the bathroom, hopefully finding some medicine there.
Few hours later:
So, we have a performance tonight. I told basically everyone that Camila wasn't feeling good and had to sit out tonight. She keep telling everyone she was fine though. I won't believe that for one second. She asked wardrobe for long sleeves but they refused. Why would she ask for long sleeves, she knows how hot it'll get up there. But, I did see a bunch of bruises on her legs and such so maybe that's why. I really don't want her preforming tonight, she doesn't need anymore stress on her mind or body tonight. What if she faints? Or worse. I don't even want to think about anything worse.
Everything will be fine, stop being a little bitch.
Ok, yeah. Everything's gonna be fine. Nothing's gonna go wrong. Everyone will be as ok as they can be right now. I hope.
In the middle of a song;
Camila's POV:
I've been dizzy this entire time. But, I told everyone I was ok enough to perform, so that's what I'm gonna do. Even though I can feel my heart racing in my head and my hands shaking like an earthquake. Who turned the lights on so bright? It's so hot in here, my sweat is basically running off me like a waterfall. Oh no, I have to sing my solo now.
Curtains like waves closing in all around us, yeah.
D–Dimming the lights just so that they don't b–blind us. Ha, nah, nah.
So ton–
Hey, wtf. Who stopped the music? We all look at each other, completely confused. The audience starts booing as loud as they can. Asking why the music stopped. We're asking the same thing, guys. My visions a little blurry but I can still see the confused and worried looks on the backstage team as they walk towards me and whisper something in my ear–Oh, shit.
Lauren's POV:
We were in the middle of performing during Camila's solo when the music suddenly stopped. I was a little disappointed, I always liked the way she sang that part. I was more confused though, as I saw some backstage team members walks up to Camila and whisper something in her ear. She immediately gets a terrified look on her face and runs off stage.
"Uh, um. Sorry everyone, there's been some sort of emergency that involves Camila. She will not be back for this show, but the rest of the girls will be continuing," some random staff announced. Ok, but what the hell is happening with Camila?
Oh, shit. Is it her dad?
