Echo Creek Mental Institution

Chapter 16: Dont let em get to you

I ended up waiting for sleep for an hour or two. I hated the dark. It was creepy and you never knew what was going on. Someone could be staring at you and if your eyes are closed you have no idea. Sometimes I think someone is actually watching me, waiting in the darkness for the right moment to kill me. I could almost make out a figure in the corner. I can't sleep like this! I need to watch tv! I need light! There was a bit from the hall but that was even more terrifying! What if he kills me tonight!? I'm in a hospital surly he could come up and kill me! Maybe he's already here! Maybe someone I met was working for him and tonight I'm gonna get murdered and-
But then I remember im not some important character and my mind gets distracted and the feeling goes away and I fall asleep to nothing.

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?
7:45 am an orderly comes slamming on our door saying we gotta wake up.
Okay level with me here: in a place where I'll round and say 3/4 of the people here want to fucking die, why would they wake us up early!? Being tired just makes me wish death more and oh my god the day is so long and ugh PLEASE don't make me get out of my fucking bed.
I look over to see Pony had rolled over and fell asleep and I attempt to do the same. But my hears in my ears and I can hear it chanting.
Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up.
Guilt. Guilt about how hard it must be to be an orderly mixed with the guilt that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to.
Fuck. I can't fall back to sleep like this.
I roll out of bed and decide to make it, my face red. I realize my mom hadn't brought any extra clothes so I had to either wear the old clothes or the flimsy ones on the peeling shelf with rusty nails.
I grab the light blue clothes, the same color as my dress and throw them on. My knotty hair is brought into a ponytail and I grab the toothbrush they'd left me and headed to the sink in the corner.
I brush my teeth, rub the day old makeup from under my eyes.
Man I looked gross. How do people manage to look at my face I'm really fucking ugly. Like shit, ew.
I realize it's only 8:05 so I flip back into bed. I think breakfast was 8:30. I think. Or maybe it's 8:00. Shit.
I get out of my bed and run over to the door and open it. The hallway is empty. Either they're still in their room or at breakfast.
I shuffle my way to the dining room to emptiness. I sigh, why they would give people 15 min to get ready is stupid. People have actual problems getting out of bed, Star, Jesus why are you so stupid?
"Hey." Someone chirps behind me. I turn to see Ludo and look into his menacing eyes.
"Hi." I respond.
"Word on the street is that you're not supposed to be here."
"Who said that!?" Besides me to myself, of course.
"Marco."
"Oh."
"Yeah he said you lied to get in."
My ears get slammed into my head. "No that's not true! I actually did try to die... sorta I mean."
"Liar." He teases.
"I'm not." I grip my teeth. I felt like I was going to cry.
"Liar." He shouts. "Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar-"
"HEY SHUT UP!"
"WHY!?"
"CAUSE THATS RUDE."
"WHY?"
"CAUSE!"
"WHY!?"
"UGH!" I slam my foot on the ground. My mouth was sealed shut as tears welled in my eyes.
"Great argument, liar!" He snickers.
"JUST FUCKING-" I couldn't talk anymore. My eyes were watering and I was holding my breath. I wanted to tell him off. I wanted to break him the way he broke me but even with a perfect monologue scripted out it wouldn't get to him. But it got to me.
"HEY!" An orderly finally shows up and grabs Ludo. He's pulled away as he laughs and waves at me and starts playing the innocent card. A psychologist, I think her name was Dr. Heckapoo, moves me to sit down on one of the open benches and sits down next to me. She was fair skin with bring red hair and an orange colored shirt on over black pants. She had cool eyes, they seemed to change colors.
"Star are you okay?" She asks.
I wipe away my tears in a hurry. "Yeah no I cry for stupid reasons I'm not even sad I mean-" FUCK
"It's okay, Star."
No it's not but whatever.
"You just have to work on not letting him get to you. They want a rise out of you and you have to not engage."
WHAT THE FUCK KINDA CRAP ADVICE WAS THIS SHIT!?! 'Just don't let him get to me' it's not that easy. How am I supposed to be all calm when I'm annoyed!? How do I just push my feelings inside? Don't let him get to me!? He's annoying! What am I supposed to all of sudden become calm and rational like 'if he wants to get a ride out of me I should just not respond! Urika it's solved!! All mental instability everywhere is gone because I finally realized I can just not care. I can, as my mom would put it, finally be above it all! Mazel Tov, I'm all better. Thanks doc, this was really helpful but I'm sorry it's not that easy for me. I'm sorry I get too invested into things and that I can separate my feelings that easily. I'm sorry that if someone is annoying me, as many people have done through my life on purpose, it's up to me to back up and realize that's all they want is for me to react so I can't express my feelings and I have just let them poke away at me until they're done. I'm sorry but I can't just do that you unfeeling price of shit.
"Yeah I know." I wipe my nose with my sleeve. "Yeah I'll try not to get too involved next time."
"That's all I'm asking of you, Star."
She gets up and I slouch onto the table.
Yeah I'm glad that all you were asking was for me to change my entire personality.

PLEASE KEEP COMMENTS ON THE NICER SIDE CAUSE THIS IS LIKE SOMETHING THAT LITERALLY JUST HAPPENED SO PLEASE NOTHING BAD

WOLFIE