What You're Not | ✔

49. Protective, Possessive

Dr. Anderson's hair was cut really short and dyed a honey blonde. The first day I saw her I thought it was odd with her dark complexion, but I had gotten used to it by the time our hour was up.

The only reason I noticed it then was because there was a small piece of blue lint on the side of her head. Most likely from her blue scarf, which hung on a coat rack next to the door. Maybe I should've told her, but then I'd break my three day silence streak.

Three days I'd come to the same office, sat in the same chair and stared out of the same window in complete silence. On the first day, I was going to talk to her. I thought about where I'd start and everything. Once I sat down in the armchair across from her desk my mouth refused to open.

I felt like she started analyzing me the moment I stepped in the room. Wasn't that what these people did? Analyze everything from what you say to how you say to what you're doing as you say it? Did I really have to say anything or did my body language do all the talking?

"Your suspension from school is almost over," she said, pulling my attention away from the blue fuzz. "You go back to school on Monday, correct?"

That wasn't a rhetorical question. I've noticed that every once in a while she'd ask me something I knew she knew the answer to just to get me to communicate with her. Despite being aware of that trick I replied with a simple nod. I did have to go back to school in a few days and it had me on edge.

Everything I didn't want to deal with was at school. My ex- boyfriend, the mean girl, the friends I let down. School was definitely the last place I wanted to be.

"I've never been suspended," Dr. Anderson continued. "But I broke my legs—yes, legs.  Plural.—when I was twelve and missed about a month of school. I was excited about the break, but by day two I was bored out of my mind." She emphasized that by tapping her head. The blue lint moved a bit, but it still clung to her.

I couldn't relate to her anecdote, though. My time away from school wasn't so much boring as it was fun. Which I wasn't expecting at all. I thought Mom would have an infinite list of chores to busy me with or I'd be forced to accompany her at work and work as a candy striper.

What I actually got were surprisingly fun game nights with her, Tyler and Anthony. Every other night—when Anthony had dinner with his dad—Mom and I would join them. After dinner we'd choose something from Tyler's board game collection and play until Anthony's mom picked him up.

At first, I was completely against it. Then it kind of became my favorite part of the week. There was no pressure. Nothing I could ruin by making poor decisions.

"Do you miss school?" Dr. Anderson asked, causing me to laugh.

"No." My silent streak was officially broken.

"You don't miss seeing your friends?"

"Don't have any," I said, glancing out the window.

She attempted to go deeper on the subject, asking me why I felt that way. I didn't answer. I felt like I'd talked enough for the day.

+ + +

It was only seven o'clock on a Monday morning and I was already over it.

I had woken up to an email from Beauteen informing me that I had come in third place in the competition and that my participation gift basket would arrive in six to twelve business days.

My lack of surprise is what surprised me the most. Things didn't work out like I wanted them to and I was slowly becoming okay with that. I accepted the fact that some aspects of my life just weren't meant to go right.