New Beginnings (JensenXReader)

Paralyzed By The Pain

Silence filled the room.

The air was thick and heavy with anticipation of your next move.

"(Y/n/n)? Sis-" Matt moved his way towards your bed. You were repeating the words you never wanted to pour from your lips-

"I had a miscarriage."

"Sweetie, Jared and Jensen are only ten minutes away. It's gonna be okay." Gen kissed the side of your head in attempt to pull you from your trance state. "H- how could it be okay?" Your voice in monotone. "It will be, over time. Don't worry." Matt squeezed your hand and you pulled it away so quick. Matt's open fist lay resting near your thigh, though his eyes fixed on your tearful ones. "It's never gonna be okay. It's never gonna be okay. My baby boy, is gone. My- my beautiful boy is gone." You let out the sob you've been forming ever since those words fell from the doctors lips.

"Shh, shh. Don't cry, please. It's okay, it's gonna be okay." Gen went to move closer but you moved back. "Please, just- I don't want to be touched." You say almost as a whisper. You pulled your legs to your chest and bundle the blankets up to your neck. Rolling onto your side, you cry.

And cry.

And cry.

The pain, never seeming to have and ending.

You can't seem to feel anymore as you silently whimper over and over again. Matt and Gen have seemed to have left the room to give you your privacy. All you want to do is rip your skin off of your body. You begin to feel so disgusted in your skin and starting cursing at your body.

"Thank you for this shitty body. This shitty body has caused me so much fucking pain through the years." You mumble sitting up in the bed. "I'm shit. I can't even carry a baby again. What, one and done!? I'm not even capable of what a women was meant to do." You push back the covers and begin to pull everything off your sore body. With a few grunts, you peel the sticky monitors from your chest and the IV's from your arm. The machines begin to beep but you could care less.

You hear the door frantically open and Matt runs in with a coffee in his hand. "W-What are you doing?" He asks in a panic and all you do is scurry into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it.

Matt begins to pound on the door and you sink to your feet. "Stupid, stupid, stupid body!" You cry as you bang your head back with every punt of the word "Stupid" . "(Y/N), open the door sis. Come on. Jared and Jensen are parking now, please come out. Please be careful, your stiches are still fresh." Matt pounds harder and you can hear a faint women's voice in the background of Matt's. Soon she became clear and it was Gen crying hysterically. Shaking your head, trying to move the terrible words that are swarming around your mind, you grab ahold of the door handle to help your very sore body off the cold bathroom floor.

You limp, holding your now bleeding stomach, and move towards the mirror. Yours eyes were blood shot red, and the bags underneath seemed to look as if they were hitting the floor. You stared down at your stomach and lifted up the hospital gown and pulled it over your head. You moved slowly to the shower in just your underwear and bra, still ignoring the even louder pounds from the door.

Turing on the shower to boiling hot, you stepped in and grabbed the bar of soap, seemingly to be waiting for you. With one hand you began to scrub your skin. Scrubbing the numbness, the pain, the tears, the everything.

You cried out in pain as your stomach began hurting more and more, but it wasn't stopping you from trying to get rid of everything. "Stupid skin. Stupid body. Stupid life. Why me?" You cried and cried. Looking down at your scrubbed arms, the scratches you had made were beginning to bleed, adding to the blood already leaking from your stomach.