LOVE TO HATE YOU

Love to Hate it...

I was grateful my day had started with Li-Hau and the boys because it was the crappiest Saturday I'd had in a while. My mother was not to be reasoned with, at all. Dad had promised not to gamble again and-surprise fucking surprise-she was giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Fortunately I got to spend some time with my sister.

Katie had two years left at school before she went off to University-Medical School being the goal. After shopping for her books, we stopped to grab a cup of coffee.

"So, I printed out the bursary forms for Med school," she said, sliding them across the table. "I want to apply as soon as possible. They only award fifty scholarships a year. Competition is tough."

I read over the papers knowing that if anyone was going to get her through Med School, that responsibility lay solely on my shoulders. The papers indicated that they didn't pay the full amount. They contributed only R 30, 000 each year, meaning that you had to fork out the other R 20, 000, and there would be additional costs on top of that. I felt a stab of panic in my chest, but tried hard not to show it. Katie already felt awful enough about taking money from me.

"Obviously I'll get a job too," she offered.

"No. You must focus on your studies. Med school will be too hectic for you to work on the side. Don't worry, I'll figure something out."

I had no idea how the hell that was going to happen. To rustle up that kind of money was going to be hard-near impossible. There was only so much work I could do at the restaurant. When the reality of this set in, it made me realize just how dangerous something like dating the boss could be-What was the thing they always say about work relationships?

I just wasn't sure I could take that risk, now that I realized just how insane my responsibilities were going to become moving forward. The only way I would be able to pay for my sister is if I got a promotion in the next few years that came with a bigger salary-and still worked flat-out at the restaurant. I was also hoping to move out of JJ and Bruce's at some stage. I couldn't live there forever. All of this made me feel like my chest was going to cave in.

"Let me take these papers home and read over them, okay?" I took the forms and slipped them into my bag, and it felt instantly heavier.

"Are you sure you don't want me to get a job?" Katie asked.

"Katie, listen, the best thing you can do is get the best marks possible, that's what's going to get you this bursary. Just focus on your studies and let me take care of the rest."

My sister hugged me. It was little things like this that kept me going.

***

The financial forms weighed heavily in my bag and on my mind, along with the constant conflicting thoughts about Ben, as I ran around the restaurant feeling more exhausted than I'd felt in a while. I also noticed the extra hundred bucks that 'someone' had slipped into my wallet that morning. Under normal circumstances I would have marched the money back into the house and back into the wallet from whence it came, but circumstances were not normal and I accepted it graciously.

By the end of my shift I had worn myself out with vacillating thoughts about Ben, and because Bruce had told ALL the regular patrons about him and his relentless asking me out, every table had a suggestion, or a very gay comment to throw my way.

"Babe you have to go for it."

"If you don't go out with him I will."

"Don't be a Nancy and just say Yes."

"I tried to go vegetarian once. But you cannot live without protein!"

"WHAT?" I screeched back at the one waiter.

"Just saying. You should take a bite."

I walked away shaking my head. It was all just too much for one person to deal with. Just as I was wrapping up and feeling totally grateful that I was leaving the peanut gallery behind, my phone vibrated in my pocket...

Unknown number: How's the thinking going?

Sera: Ben?

Unknown number: WHO ELSE ARE U THINKING OF GOING OUT WITH?!?

I was never going to get rid of him, was I? Perhaps we would go on a date and it would be an absolute disaster and then that would spell the end of it. Or maybe the only way to get rid of him was to go on just one date. Crap!

Sera: Actually, there are several other prospects I am currently considering.

Unknown number: WHO?

I paused for a while thinking about a clever retort, but before I could...

Unknown number: They can't be as terribly good-looking and funny and charming as me.

Sera: Definitely not as arrogant.

Unknown number: You secretly love it.

Sera: So how did you get my number you sick psycho stalker.

Unknown number: One of the many perks of being the boss man and having access to employee's private files.

Sera: And how many other employees are you sexually harassing?

Unknown number: Just you.

God, I wanted to believe that so badly.

Sera: I'm still thinking.

Unknown number: I want your answer at exactly 6:30 on Sunday evening.

Sera: Bossy.

Unknown number: Sera, you have no idea how bossy I can be...

Oh God. Instant weakness in the knees and thoughts of backseat shenanigans.

Sera: Maybe I'm not as easily pushed around as all the other girls.

Unknown number: I know. And that's why I'm in love with you.

Sera: You shouldn't joke about stuff like that.

Unknown number: Who said I'm joking

Sera: You're not in love with me. You hardly know me.

Unknown number: I know everything I need to know about you.

Sera: Like what?

There was a pause, a long one, and it was making me nervous. He was so unpredictable that I wasn't sure what the hell he was going to say next.

Unknown number: I know what it feels like to be inside you. I know what it feels like to hold you. I know what it feels like to eat breakfast with you. What it feels like to stare at you from my desk. I know what it feels like knowing that you're sleeping so close to me.

Holy Shit! I felt like I had just had the wind knocked out of me. I gasped, trying to get air into my lungs. That might actually have just been the most inappropriate, but simultaneously sexiest, thing anyone had ever said about me.

Ben: Just give me one date Sera. One.

Sera: One?

Ben: One is all I need. For now.

Sera: Fine. I'll think about it.

Ben: That's all i ask... for now.

I slipped my phone into my pocket and couldn't believe I'd just agreed to think about going on a date with him. This was the worst idea ever?