Zara sleeps on top of me, I'm at a point of wanting to join her. I close my eyes for a moment, taking a breathe. I can't help but think how much everything has just changed since Micah. Again. As usual.
I gently slide Zara to the side, letting her rest on the bed instead of my stomach. She moves, blinking her eyes. I regret moving her. Zara yawns, stretching her arms out. "Good morning, baby."
"Mummy."
"I was thinking we should go to our old home. I know we left behind lots of great things. Toys, clothes, books.. Our old life."
Zara nods but I'm about one hundred percent sure she didn't understand a word I said. Kissing her forehead I walk to the wardrobe, picking out an outfit for her to wear.
♔♔♔
I don't know why I thought I could get Zara past without her wanting to go to the park. Not only has she ruined her outfit and hair, she is barely awake in the pram now.
My phone rings, it's Micah. I sigh, before pressing answer, "Hey."
"Where are you?"
"Out. I had some things to take care of. Zara of course wanted to go to the park, that's why we will be late."
Micah sighs over the phone. "I'll come pick you up. Where are you?"
"At my apartme-" I pause, starring at the broken window and swung in door from afar. "I have to go." I don't wait for a reply, or anything. I just hang up.
Taking Zara out the stroller I hold her to my chest, walking closer to the apartment, up the stairs and to the door where I'm now faced with a completely trashed apartment. It doesn't even look recognisable.
Zara's toys chucked and thrown everywhere, books torn apart, clothes ripped and scatter over the floor, cupboard doors in the kitchen flown open - or completely off the frame, the coach seats ripped up with stuffing scatter everywhere.
I don't know how long I stand, starring, at this mess. All I know is it's a long enough time for Micah to get here. I hear his car, then moments later feel his hand on my waist, his chest pressed against my back.
Pulling away I stare at him with anger and hurt, "don't touch me, Micah." I push past his, exiting this place. A place I once called home.
"Why the fuck are you angry at me?" Micah follows me.
"I trusted you to keep me safe. To keep your daughter safe. This, this is not safe."
"And it matters? You don't live in that crappy place anymore. It happened, for whatever reason."
"It matters because that's her home. I built that from nothing. It was my safe haven, my accomplishment."
"That's her home?" Micah steps back, "I see very well how this is. I do one thing that upsets you and you'll coming running back here but now you can't." Micah turns around, kicking his car. "You are such a fucking idiot."
Zara starts to cry, I try to calm her but it doesn't work. She can feel the anger radiating off me.
"You talk about how we need a trusting relationship- how am I meant to trust you if you'll run off in one sign of argument. If I do something that upsets you."
"I'm only trying to protect my daughter. Whether it's from you or from the world you come from."
"She doesn't need to be protected from me."
I look away.
"That's what you think."
"I don't get it, I try and try to be there for you. For her. And I am. Yet you still see me as the bad guy, I didn't leave you. I told you what happened, my father proved what happened."
"You are the bad guy, look at you, Micah."
♔♔♔
Zara slides down the slide, landing in the bark chips before running back up to go again. I replay everything I said, everything Micah said. I can't go back but I have no where else to go.
"Rosalie King?" a man asks, sitting beside me.
"Arndale," I correct. "I don't know where you get King from."
"She's quite a pretty girl, looks like Micah I must say."
"Whatever you want from me, I don't care."
"But you care about her," He says, "And I know you'll do a lot to protect her. Am I wrong?"
"You're not wrong," I slightly turn my head to the side, "but i'm not a pawn in this stupid game. I won't be played."
He nods, "you're right. You're a queen and a powerful King sits by your side. You must kill the Queen to win. But then, only can Queens destroy their King."
"Metaphors. Again, I'm not giving you what you want."
"Do you see that window," he points to an apartment. "I have a man up there, he has a gun that is ready and listening to our conversation. If you decide to, like you say, not give me what I want- that bullet will go through the princesses heart."
Standing up, abruptly, he speaks, "miss the kid, take a test shoot. The girl doesn't believe it."
In half a second, there's a band. Zara jumps, for a second I'm scared it isn't a test shot. Zara goes back to playing. "I would sit, Rosalie. Unless you don't mind the girl being dead."
Sitting down again, I swallow. "If you do anything to hurt her. I won't comply. I won't say a word."
"Figured."
"What do you want?" I whisper.
"You must know why Micah was gone, such a long time yet word of why has never been said."
"What will happen if I tell you."
"You don't need to know, Rosalie."
"You're killing the father of my child, aren't you? This things you want. They'll destroy him," I shake my head.
Zara runs to my lap, hooking her arm over my knee. "Mummy, Mummy, pay wit me. Pwease. Whoosh."
"Or not telling me will destroy your daughter."
♔♔♔
half this is a mess xx
