twenty three

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Just because some of you need the reminder: this is a work of FICTION.

Anyway Camila killed it in London and tbh I was so fucking overwhelmed with how proud I am of the Tiny Brunette™ she's truly so talented and the concert was damn amazing even tho there were some annoying ass locals there calling her camiLLa

THE NBTS HOODIES ARE SO SOFT AND COMFY AHHHHH AND SHE DANCED TO INTO IT WITH A PRIDE FLAG OMG MY HEART FUCKING BURST

okay onto the story now bye

-

February 4th, 2017

"We shouldn't do this."

"I don't see you trying to stop it," Lauren gets out between kisses to Camila's neck. "I know you want this, Camz."

Camila kisses her back, but then pulls away, uncertain. "It's just... we've never gone beyond kissing, and that's never- you're dating someone. Did you forget about that?"

"What, Keaton?" Lauren rolls her eyes. "We went on one date. I only said yes because it would've made things awkward if I hadn't. We're on a reality show with him for the next month or so, and then he'll be out of my life. You, on the other hand..."

Lauren goes to kiss her again, but Camila turns her head away. "You've been drinking."

Again, Lauren rolls her eyes. "I had three beers. That's all."

"No, no, I'm not-" Camila shuffles off her and shakes her head, and Lauren frowns up at her from the bed in Lauren's hotel room. "I'm not ready. And you- if you're kissing me, does that... does that mean we're dating?"

"Camila, we're not together and we never will be," Lauren points out, shaking her head, "and it's not like we have feelings for each other. I'm straight."

Camila opens her mouth, as if to say something, and Lauren hopes that she hadn't been caught out in her lie. She knows she feels something for Camila, but that's never going to go anywhere, because she's not into girls. She's straight, and this is just confusion.

"I'm just... not okay with that," Camila mumbles, "I can't... I have to go."

"Come on, Camz," Lauren sighs, rolling her eyes, "you've never had a problem with kissing me before."

"I just..." Camila bites down on her bottom lip and fumbles with the door handle, "I have to go."

When Camila leaves, the room seems to fade away, and the next thing she hears is fallingforyou by The 1975. Lauren feels like a passenger in her own body as she looks over to Camila, and is overwhelmed by how beautiful she is. With teary eyes, feeling like maybe she's finally ready, she leans in and pulls Camila in for a kiss, forgetting about everything, about her fears, about management, about Fifth Harmony, because the only thing that seems to matter is Camila.

But the next day, when she sees everyone on Twitter, talking about the Camren date, she freaks. She pushes all of the feelings she'd had last night deep inside of her, completely terrified. She sees tweets, people announcing how they'd known all along that Lauren was gay, or bisexual, and she doesn't understand how people can see that or why they're pinning a label on her.

It makes her hate herself. So, when Camila comes over to her at catering, all bubbly and bright, asking to hang out, Lauren does what she knows best. She pushes her away.

"What the fuck, Lauren?"

She sighs, looking around at a distraught Camila. This time, she's older, probably eighteen or nineteen, and looks more tired and depressed than ever. "What do you want, Camila?"

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