I hate it more than myself

13 3 1
                                        

When I was little my mother had always hated lying. She was a strong willed woman that I was honestly scared of sometimes. Other than lying my mother hated when she saw me cry , she would always say "stop crying and be strong or else you show people you're weak" and so  I didn't cry much ..even now I don't like crying I hate it even 

I hate crying in front of people especially but once I close my door 

once I'm in my room all alone with the curtains closed and the only sound is the A/C that's on humming softly 
I go to my bed and I wrap myself up with a blanket and sit there remembering all the things I did
all the things I didn't 
the things I've said 
and the things that hurt me.

I wait until the entire house is quiet 

I wait until my siblings begin to snore softly and their chests move at the same pace, I wait until the last light is off and the last phone is shut down. I wait for the bed to creak under my parents and until the world itself become mute

that's when I let my chest inhale the air I feared and hold it until I feel my  mind begin to shut down, that's when my throat becomes tight and my nose begins to burn 

when my neck begins to become hot with pain and I pull the pillow to my face and close my eyes as I muffle what I don't want them to hear

I will lay there and let myself break down after a long day,a long month, a long year.
I hate it 
I hate when I cry 

-----------------------------------------------------
A/N:

HEY 💜💜💜💜
So anyone thats reading this right now should go to YouTube and check out Ashton Moore
Hes a rad dude that's made some cool beats and they sound great
Hes also my pal soo.. yeah.

Random 3 AMМесто, где живут истории. Откройте их для себя