Chapter 62

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"I went to war for what we had,
You never even laced your boots."
~ N. R. Shepherd



The Road to Each Other is Paved with Selfish Intentions

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes in anticipation for the upcoming conversation and what it might bring. I had been thinking about this moment over and over again for the past few days and now that it was finally here, I could not remember what I had wanted to say. I couldn't even remember how to begin.

The air stirred beside me as Wes sat on the bench. I could feel the tension and pull of electricity as seconds went by and I waited for Wes to start. But it seemed as though he had the exact same thought and the silence stretched by as he waited for me to start. Being with Wes suddenly felt like a life-time ago and the longer the time we spent apart, the harder it was for me to remember how I used to be around him. How we used to banter and flirt and argue constantly. It suddenly felt alien here, sitting beside him. And that saddened me more than I could have ever imagined.

"So, you came," my lips finally managed to form coherent words. Wes' eyes quickly flickered to mine and I could see he was holding back from making a sarcastic sassy remark at my obvious statement. My face quickly reddened and I internally face-palmed myself at my opening sentence.

"I did," he slowly replied. It was evident that the amount of control he exerted into providing a decent response was massive and despite being embarrassed, I deeply appreciated the sentiment.

"What did you think of the party?" I asked. Oh my God. What was wrong with me?! He had barely even seen the party since he had walked straight into the strip scene! Ugh. I really did have to get my act together.

"It would have been good...if I swung that way," he carefully replied, a small smirk tugging at his lips. Once more, we fell into silence. I sighed, I couldn't keep embarrassing myself with this small talk. It was his turn. I tried and tried, but it didn't seem as though he wanted to reciprocate.

"Why did you come here, Wes?" my heart beat faster as his name escaped my lips.

"It's Jordan's birthday party," he stated the obvious. His monotonous voice sent a lance straight through my heart and instantly killed whatever eagerness it had hyperactively been beating in the anticipation of. If he wanted to play this game, I wasn't going to be a part of it.

Standing up, I shook my head at him in disappointment. I had thought we were beyond this stage, but it seemed as though I had guessed wrong, "Then I hope you enjoy the party. Goodbye, Wes."

I turned away from Wes, suddenly feeling like an idiot- no better than a toy. Why did he even bother coming out here if it wasn't to talk to me?

I had barely taken a step before a warm hand clasped around mine. Wes' hand felt very different to last night. It had a certain urgency that I couldn't quite comprehend. It was no longer the steady calm and safe hands that I had become accustomed to so long ago.

"Please don't go," Wes' words were a mere whisper over the night breeze. The sudden vulnerability in his voice was even scarier than the prospect of walking away. My surroundings suddenly disintegrated, changing, morphing into my dark dreams and I was gripped with the same fear that haunted me every night. And through all this darkness, it was only Wes' hand, holding me so tightly- grounding me to the truth.

And I did what I refused to do every night. I turned around. The darkness fell apart and there sat Wes. He looked up at me with eyes full of sorrow and pain. The façade had broken away with the darkness and the two of us remained here- vulnerable and together.

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