The Mental Patient

Chapter 29 - No Sleep

I can't sleep. The voices are out to get me, again. People around here think it is me playing games, you know, like I usually do... but I know different, that's how they all wants me to think, they all want me to think like that, become little miniature versions of them, I will not convert, not in a million years, they will have to kill me first, bow to their evil ways of normality, never! 

...Did that cup just move? I swear it did, looks like it is still in the same position but moved somehow, that's it, that's how you know they want you to change, try and make you start seeing things then you are the bad person, it's a silent system, yep, like when you look through a window but catch a glance of your reflection, you're not supposed to see you in glass, you're supposed to see other people, it is just like that, they think they have me but I am so much smarter than that. I even know when they are talking about me, burning ears with fire in my eyes, it is always in code when they whisper whispers about me; they look at me from the corner of their eyes and lean in and converse. Why do they take me for such a foolish person?

They underestimate me; I know they do, I could have this world built up in my hands but pretend to pray and squash it, yeah, that will show them. No longer does my bedroom act like my solitude but more like a prison I cannot escape from, the people outside are evil with evil actions and evil words they must cast upon one another, I want to be invisible or have that feeling of when I was a kid, the one where I was superman and I would grow up and fly over oceans and up buildings sides to save people, now I am not sure they even deserve it, I will still grow up to be him though.

Did you hear that? ...That was no normal sounding sound that was more abnormal than normal, I am guessing either aliens or monsters stepping on fake floorboards... or ghouls, yeah, they are always after me, that's why I keep a light above my door on at night and make sure under my bed is filled with scraps of used papers, so if the monsters do appear I will hear them first, like I said I am not easy to fool, anymore. Their mouths are weapons of an alien culture and I will not listen to or follow. Go to sleep. Go to sleep.

Why have I awakened? The morning hasn't spread yet. I look around the room, the objects are still asleep. I lay my head back down on my pillow. The hinges of metallic door squeal open. I shoot my ears across my room, through my door and down the corridor.

Sometimes when my eyes cannot take any more words, my ears become the windows from these walls. Hogging the nightlights, we are a hollow cast of holocaust. Someone is having a bad night's sleep.

"So now I can't even cuss'? This is such bullshit... I mean bullet, see what I did there, I combined the two wordies like what some Brits do." A far echo reaches me.

"Brian, go to sleep. Your medication will settle in soon, just lay you head down and stop shouting. You're going to wake up everyone in here."

"No! And, so, so fucking what, let them join me on this great fucking night. I refuse to sleep, I have rights, when I say no; you listen. I refuse these drugs in my system and that's not the drugs talking, that's all me, from my mouth, see."

"The restraints are coming, Brian. It's best if you jolt yourself under those covers or we will strap you down."

"Tch... See what happens when you assholes come in here, see what happens. Your own mommas ain't even gonna' recognize you, I'm having supper tonight and we're eating that smug looking face of yours."

Weighted waist level keys tingle to the tap of many toes, non-verbal words are spoken; they are probably going over strategies and contingencies. He'll lay them all to waste, what else can we do here? All we are doing is wasting.

"I hear y'all gearing up fow' war out there, boys. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon... I'm a fucking pit-bull in a bullshit pit, a motherfucking bullet in a china shop, baby. Yeah, talk it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, I'ma slide into you like a lover, so slow until you squirt the goodness. Spray your love over me." The door is flung free and all the kings' horses and all the kings' men took apart humpty-dumpty the dumb-dummy again.

There's nothing worse, hearing a lion be broken mentally to live in captivity. They don't know what they're doing to us.

Betray your lips, Kyle. Take back a breath and keep it hidden forever, they can't break your conformed silence. If it ever comes to it, fight through their blood.

In all honesty, this place is as useful as Ann Frank, with a drum-kit. I don't mind, I don't, I don't mind it... Without a mind, a mind I don't, never mind. Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean we're not after you.