Finding Ava ✔

22 | How I Really Feel

Cheap Thrills - Sia feat. Sean Paul

22 | How I Really Feel

***

"O'gentle lady, 'tis not for you to hear what I can speak. The repet— " I angrily cut Max off by smacking the back of his head. In surprise and shock, Max flinches and mutters an 'ouch.' "What was that for? I was only reciting some Shakespeare quotes."

I arch an eyebrow and give him an innocent smile. "Oh were you? My bad."

Max presses his lips together and narrows his eyes. I mentally dust off my shoulder at my slick reply and focus back on the busy hallways. Without another word, Max walks beside me with a scowl etched on his face.

"Aww, did I upset the poor Max?" I coo patronizingly.

Max doesn't reply, he only huffs. I snigger at his behavior. Apparently, acting like a five-year-old is Max's specialty.

"Ava, can I ask you something?" Max seriously asks. I'm taken aback by his sudden change in attitude yet curious to know what brought it on.

I smile, reassuringly. "Sure."

Max rolls his shoulders, an action he does when he is nervous about something or doesn't know how to put it into words. Its surprising how much I can remember about him, how I what he does in certain situations.

"Do you think you will ever be able to be back with me? Do you see a future for the both of us?"

I stop mid-stride in the packed hallways. Max, who is a few steps ahead of me, stops as well and turns around to face me. Some people walking in the hallways scowl at me for getting in the way but I ignore them.

My mind is too submerged in thoughts about what Max just said. Once upon a time, I saw a bright future with Max and I. Two years ago, if someone asked me where I would be in twenty years time, I would respond with something like 'married to Max, with beautiful children and a stable job'. But now...I have no idea at all.

When I was seven, I had everything thought out. In my head, I saw myself as a vet. I imagined living in a nice house, with a garden full of flowers and children's toys. When I was seven, my dream was to live happily ever after.

But I was naive. So naive.

At the age of sixteen, I pictured what my house would look like - with Max. I had a clear image of the house and I dreamed about my wedding.

But at the age of eighteen, I have no freaking clue. I was hurt - hurt badly. The prospect of marriage and children seems daunting. I don't think I want to go throw any sort of heartbreak again.

Sadly, I can see myself living in a cozy one bedroom apartment alone. Whilst I like having time alone, I also like spending my time with people. I'm a people person. I value spending my time with friends.

They hold me together, they keep me sane. Grounded. I need them more than they need me. When Rosie didn't reply to any of my messages, I was hurt. I still am. I don't know if my best friend is going to talk to me ever again; I hate it. A part of me is pissed that she's ignoring me on purpose because I did something she didn't approve of. Another part of me is understanding.

Maybe I should try calling her aga -

"Yo, Ava?" Max interferes with my thoughts, waving his calloused hand in front of my face. Flinching in shock, I give Max a sheepish smile when I recover.

"Sorry," I apologize, feeling my cheeks heat up. "I just got lost in my thoughts." I explain and bitterly add quietly: "again."

Max presses his lips together, "that's okay. So whats your answer?"