How To Be The Best Third Wheel

Original Edition - Tip 41: Don't be Disagreeable When you're on your Period

"So...do you want to explain why you look like you just got run over by a truck and why you look like you absolutely want to murder Eliza?" James tilts his head to the side and shoots me a knowing look.

"Did you just say I look like I got run over by a truck?" I shoot him a cold glare and he quickly gets out of the car, unresponsive.

I step out of the car too, hauling my heavy book bag and trying to shove the rest of my clothes in my bag as well. James watches me from the other side of the car and I place my hands on my hips.

"I mean, I didn't mean that you look necessarily super run over, um, but, you look, well, I was just using a hyperbole?" James stutters, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck and backpedaling away from the car.

I frown, making my way forward to him. As I get closer, each step forward I take is in sync to each step backwards he makes. Finally, he stops and when I get close enough, he places both his hands on my shoulders, holding me away from himself. I raise an eyebrow.

"Okay, so my point didn't really get across too well, but have I told you how much I love you lately?" he says, attempting to cover up his initial statement. "Sweetheart?"

I roll my eyes. "Eliza has been a pain in my backside for the entire morning and I low-key do want to murder her so today is not the best day for anyone to get on my bad side." I tell him, pushing past him and letting myself into the crowded school building. Miraculously, the warning bell still didn't ring and because of James, I am not even late for class.

He rushes after me. "What extremely bad thing could she have done? Well, other than ignoring your presence for the whole car ride, that is." he asks, unbelievably.

Before I can turn to answer him, my eyes focus on none other than Eliza. Eliza, the new girl that's walking the hallways as if she already owns them.

She struts, the boring school hall as her catwalk, throwing mischievous smirks at guys and receiving all too many envious glares from girls. You can almost hear her Adidas Superstars hitting the floor as all the usual idiotic remarks of students are put to a halt and replaced with hushed whispers, gossip churning, people wondering who this girl is.

In disbelief, I respond, "She is using up too much oxygen and emitting too much carbon dioxide and she might be the reason that our planet is dying."

Stuff like this shouldn't happen in real life. No, stuff like this belongs in the books and movies where the queen bee walks the halls but everyone secretly hates her. No, people are not supposed to give all their attention to the new girl, people are supposed to go on with their lives and be normal.

Why?

Because this is real life. In the fictional teenage world, the queen bee either gets taken down or becomes good in the end. The great thing about this school is that we didn't even have a queen bee. Heck, we don't even have a theatre club!

As I observe Eliza, giving flirtatious looks to the boy opening the locker beside hers-

Wait, how did she even get a locker already?

-I realize that our High School has found its first queen bee.

"Lara? I really don't think you should use Eliza being alive as a necessarily bad thing. I mean, she is your cousin after all..." James says, ignorant to the dramatic scene that was just playing in front of us.

"Did you see that?" I ask.

"What?"

I point my lips in Eliza's direction.

"Lara, I don't know what this," he pouts his lips, "means."

I exhale deeply. "Did you not see what Eliza was doing? Just now? Do I have to narrate my thoughts out loud for you!" I whisper-yell.