Chapter forty one

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"I am fine why wouldn't I be?" I ask while twisting my hair with my finger.

"You seem...off" Ryder says over the phone.

"Off? No why would I be?" I ask while staring at my arm which I cut myself with.

He sighs before speaking again.

"How are things you know with your brother and that dickhead" He says making me stop breathing for a second.

"Still haven't heard from them, don't worry I am planning revenge" I say before a smug look appears on my face.

"Just don't do anything stupid okay? I don't want you to be in danger" he says making me smile slightly.

He cares, well for now.

"I have to go, I will talk to you later" I say.

"Fine, I love-" he says before I hang up on him.

No, no he can't say those words to me, not now.

I sigh before running a hand through my hair, I had been sitting in the darkness for two days and I think it's time to get out of my bedroom.

I haven't slept, eaten, showered, looked at myself or gone to work for the past two days, I just can't get over the sadness and anger I feel over Jacob and my father.

I take a deep breath before getting out of my messy bed and walking into the ensuite bathroom.

I look at myself and look away, I look horrible, my hair is a mess, my makeup is everywhere and I smell horrible.

I step into the shower after removing my makeup and doing my usual routine.

I wash my hair and body properly before standing in the shower and thinking about everything for a while before stepping out.

I dry my body and hair before applying my moisturiser and deodorant, I go into my closet and throw on grey sweats with a matching grey hoddie.

I tie my hair half up and hair down before putting on my slippers and then cleaning my room.

Once everything is done I open my door to let some light in, I sigh when Mia has left me a note saying she has gone on a work function for the day.

I read through the note before throwing it out, I go through the fridge before checking the clock.

Since it was around lunch time I make myself pasta before eating it and drinking a lot of water.

I grab an apple before eating it and sitting down on the couch, I grab my phone out before checking all of my missed calls and texts.

20 missed calls from Ryder.

10 missed calls from Mia

5 missed calls from Cindy.

And a bunch of other texts from them.

I call Cindy and let her know I am just feeling sick and I will be back tomorrow, I then text Mia and tell her I am up and feeling a little better before flicking my phone off since I have already spoken to Ryder today.

I huddle on the couch with a blanket while getting lost in my thoughts.

I can't believe Jacob is dead, I can't believe my father got away, I can't believe I didn't kill him before my father could kill Jacob.

This is all my fault, if I didn't leave the hell hole, Jacob and I could've ran away together and killed my father for good.

But no, I went on this spiral ride of love, murder and guilt.

Sometimes I just want to die but I can't let my father win, I have to watch him and make him go through the same pain and suffering as I what I did.

I will not rest until that is done, I will not rest until he is dead, killed by me.

I sit up before thoughts whirled through my mind.

I had to kill my father, but how? How would I catch him?

And then an idea pops in my head and I smirk, this has to work.

I decided to forward through with this plan when Ryder comes back, I will let myself go through the pain of betraying him before taking all of my anger out on my father.

I am no longer going to be scared, I need to brave and also make sure he rots in hell.

I track down my father's location before awaiting for the plan to take place, just a few days and justice will be served once and for all.

***

"Hey Addison, how are you feeling?" Mia asks me before sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"Fine" I shrug before she hugs me.

I hug her back before I pull away and smile at her, she smiles back at me before I hear a voice.

"Mia what are you-?" Dan comes in my room before death glaring me.

I roll my eyes before tapping Mia's arm, she looks away from me and looks at Dan.

"I will be there in a second" Mia says before waving bye to me.

I wave back to her before the door closes.

I try and get some sleep before I hear Mia and Dan leave, I get a message from Ryder.

Hey.

Hey? He has never sent that before, I reply the same before my phone buzzes again.

I am coming back to the office tonight, something happened.

Fuck, maybe it has nothing to do with me?

Someone stole money can you believe that?

And that's when I want to kill myself, when Ryder finds out...he will never want to see me again.

I reply with a simple reply before flicking my phone and crying in my bed.

I have made a lot mistakes in my life, but this one is the worst.

I can't believe I actually took the money and It was all for nothing, Jacob got killed anyway and my father took money for no reason.

I felt guilty for everything, I felt like everything was my fault and it hurt the most because I knew it was all of my fault.

I have never stuffed up more in my whole life, this wrecks everything.

Ryder is going to be pissed, hurt and betrayed, I know he will so I better get the pain over with now.

I grab my phone before taking a deep breath, I have to do this it's one thing less to stress over.

I find Ryder's contact before texting him.

I can't do this anymore, I am breaking up with you.

My eyes water as I send it, once it sends I block his number and throw my phone on the floor.

I hold my legs to my chest before crying and thinking about everything.

I threw away the only love I ever had.

Question of the day:

What do you think of Addison's decision?

What do you think Ryder's reaction will be when he finds out everything?

What do you think Ryder's reaction will be when he finds out everything?

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