comparison ~k.v.~

chapter 9

her phone is on the nightstand. not in her hand or on her face or any other place on her body.

she has recovered the shaky breaths and scratchy, tear-stained cheeks. i want to die, she thinks.

no you don't. you have a lot to live for. think of the things you could do. you're being selfish. you have a perfectly fine life. think of all the people less fortunate than you. you could be in north africa getting your genitals mutilated. think of how you could help those girls with mutilated genitalia. you're so fucking lucky. then why do i feel this way ?

she runs her nails down her thighs. the skin on her legs not covered by pajama shorts are red and raw.

it has been an hour since jared texted her. it is now early morning, and the sun is peeking out of the abyss. she fumbles for her phone.

kendallkv: i'm actually so glad you feel that way. you have no idea how wrecked my self-esteem has been since then (it's rly nbd, pls don't make a big scene about it: im fine). i hope we can still be friends.

she gets up, turns on the light, locates a bottle of unused body lotion, and smooths it over her lacerated thighs. she needs some tea or shit, because her stomach hurts like a motherfucker.

kendall tip-toes into the bathroom, downs three tums, and goes back to bed. she turns the fan on, because the sound of the blades cutting the air helps her stay asleep.

~

upon awakening, her stomach still hurts, and her head is wracked with pain. she has dance today.

kendall stays in bed for a few more hours, until a concerned erno comes up to see how she's doing. she claims an upset tummy and a headache, asking for erno to call her dance teacher and tell her his daughter will be absent today. he agrees, and comes back with tums, advil, water, ginger ale, and saltines.

kendall smiles when she sees this. "thank you, dad. that's really sweet."

he kisses the top of her head. "anything for my girl."

he leaves the room. kendall washes down a tum-saltine sandwich with ginger ale. people care about me, she thinks. for the first time in a while, she appreciates a small act of kindness.

she pops the advil in her mouth and takes a swig of the water.

people actually do care about me.

(author's note: thank you so much for all your support. i'm sorry this chapter was very short. oh whale)