𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞

i

starboy watches on with a frown as she goes around and places lavender kisses to the other boys rosy cheeks , dappling pale flesh with crimson stains from cheap chemist cosmetics , and bringing golden smiles to their ever so unworthy lips . ichor drippin' from her teeth as she appreciates the damage she has inflicted on the poor starboy unknowingly.

he watches and wonders , what it must feel like to have been touched so gently by an angel, how soft her lips must feel against velvety , teenaged skin - ripe with moon craters n' glowing with such carefree hostility towards anyone but themselves.

he often wonders how grass stained knees and nicotine addictions must attract in worthy girls like her with painted lips n' fake smiles , and how the simplicity of strutting around like they own the place must feel . how free they must be to spread their tattered wings into the summer night air without bothering to see whom it may harm.

because regardless of the lies n' cheating that surrounds them , they manage to regain that composure and that reputation as though it was as easy and breathing. they don't care for struggles or grades or values, fuck a girl or two , smoke a joint , yell at a teacher for something they have no control over , cuz they fuckin rule the world , those people.

yet starboy sits there everyday, attempts to pay attention in classes , works his body to the bone to support his family and his mother that struggles too hard for her children's happiness , he don't need those luxuries or lingerie - tapered women to bring him happiness , cuz he has all he wants .

all he wants except her.

he plans and he waits , he attempts kind guestures- he holds the door for her and lets her cut in line , gives her the answers to the biology test she hasn't studied for cuz she was too busy with the quarterbacks tongue down her throat- but what ever fucking for ?

for the hostile glances or muttered words just out of his reach to grasp? what could starboy possibly gain from such ignorant beauty like her ? a girl who pours lemon juice in her eyes cuz' she just doesn't want to face the harsh reality that presents itself before her , a girl who believes that alcohol and sex are the remedies to any problem life may throw at her angel like face.

no he don't skate a tattered board or send her self -proclaimed desirable pictures of the unknown world his body is . he doesn't slouch over new girls every night to make her jealous or wander his fingertips across her rosy cheeks just cuz he can.

and deep down within that heart of gold , he knows that she will never love him for who he is , and he knows that he could fall in love with someone so much better than her , someone who cares for him and will give him the fuckin time of day.

so why . why is it that he can't help but want her so badly that sometimes , it physically pains him.

'2018