Right Through Me

N I N E T E E N

He's gone. He's really gone this time.

I had to admit, I was nothing but hopeful that he was bluffing about every single word he told me in the hospital and that I'd still see him around but it was like he was gone. The only time I saw him was on TV and I had gotten to the point where I'd skip over the channel to avoid seeing him at all. 

Saying that I was glad it turned out this way would be a complete and total lie. Ever since I was discharged from the hospital my mind has just been racing, I've been spacing out and drinking half a bottle of wine every night. 

It was a defense mechanism. Pushing people away is a defense mechanism. That's it. That's all it was.

I tried to lie to myself. Create these scenarios on why he made that decision. He blamed himself for what happened, however, I never took him for the guy to be empathetic.

"Lina, Lina!" I snapped out of my trance and looked up at Leslie who was giving me a confused and curious look. "I've been calling you for two minutes now, you got patients waiting for you."

"Oh, right. Sorry," I said quickly, leaving the lobby to avoid any interrogation.

I knocked on the first door and entered, surprised to see John, the market owner, sitting there. 

"John!" I snapped, noticing his bruised wrist and pulling up the stool before him. "Did you fall off the latter again?"

"I can't believe I have to injure myself to see you now, Angelina," he said, smiling his same happy smile.

"Don't tell me you did this on purpose."

"Look at me, Lina," he said. "I'm old as dirt, I'm just lucky that I only injured my wrist and not broken my hip by now."

"Jeez, John. You need to limit the latter time," I told him, gently angling his wrist under the X-Ray.

"Who else is going to do it?"

"Maybe you should stop being so stubborn and think about hiring someone to help you out," I told him, slowly beginning to wrap his wrist in a tight wrap. "You're lucky it wasn't broken, but it'll take a couple weeks to heal since you're much older."

"You know I can't hire anyone."

"Yes you can. There's plenty of young, good and healthy boys in this town."

"I can manage," he said stubbornly. "Know, enough about me, Lina. There's something wrong with you."

Tell me about it.

"No, nothing wrong. Just been busy with the clinic."

He looked me in the eye, his eyebrows narrowing and his smile fading. "Did someone break your heart?"

My stomach fell and my eyes widened. I blinked rapidly and coughed nervously at his accusation. "No! Seriously, John. Since when have I had time to fall in love with anyone? I'm just busy."

"You're denying it."

"Okay, old man. You're all set now go home and rest," I told him, standing to my feet and readying myself to leave. 

"You're fighting your own feelings, Lina," he spoke, causing me to freeze in place. "I was in love once, I've seen that look when your heart breaks. It's written all over your face."

"I never loved him!" I screeched, spinning around to face the old man, who only stood there, smiling triumphantly.

"I was in love once," he said again. "Nothing compares to the loss of the love of your life," he said, his eyes watering at the mere memory of it. "My wife died a long time ago, but even to this day it still hurts. I don't know how I've survived this long without her."

My heart twisted painfully and I had this unbearable urge to crumple in a ball and cry for this old man who stood falling apart before me. 

"You can't run from your feelings, Lina," he said and then walked past me and left the room.

I stood there, completely frozen for a moment and then I left as well, heading back to the lobby.

"Lina?" Diane called.

"I'm sorry, Diane," I began, wiping the tears from my eyes. "But I hate your son."

* * * * * 

"Tell us every damn detail of what happened, Lina," Mia said, the three giving me horrific death glares. 

I rolled my eyes and took a gulp of my Corona Lite and cleared my throat. "After what happened, he came to the hospital and pretty much fired me as his personal doctor and then told me to never see him again, never go to the Coliseum and how it would be better if I just hated him," I told them quickly, emphasizing my rage and hate towards the giant idiot.

"You waited nearly two months to tell us this?!" the three screeched at the same time, slamming their drinks down and splashing alcohol all over the place.

"I didn't want to talk about it," I told them. "And plus, I was more worried about healing rather than that stupid selfish asshole."

"Dammit Lina," Leslie said, shaking her head. "No wonder you've been so out of it lately."

"After all that damn time, after all the hours I spent after work just to save his stupid ass he just throws me away after one stupid incident," I grumbled. "I never blamed him for what happened. Not once, but he thought it'd be best to just push me away!"

"Jesus Lina," Amanda said, taking a sip of her strawberry Martini. "You're in rough shape."

"I just don't get it. What happened...it was nothing he could control. And just because of that one thing it ruined everything."

"Maybe he was protecting you," Mia chimed in, smiling wickedly as she took a swig of her Bloody Mary. "If he blames himself for what happened, maybe he pushed himself away from you to protect you."

"Still doesn't mean he's not an asshole," I snapped.

"You're being very defensive about this," Amanda pointed out.

"Yeah, I am! Because he completely disappeared, just gone! I didn't even get a damn thank you for my efforts! I didn't get any signs of appreciation for saving his ass all the damn time. I got nothing but a big 'f' you and a disappearing act."

"Is it possible that he's driving you even crazier when he's not around versus when he is?" Leslie teased and I grunted a reply, finishing my beer in a big gulp.

"Whatever. If that asshole wants me to hate him then he got what he wanted."

Liar.