Connor x Reader Oneshots ((COMPLETE))

• Fake Love •

(A/n) - So I know I normally put the author's note at the end and I will put one at the end but I just wanted to say that this is not meant to harm anyone and if you have had or are having issues with suicidal thoughts then you can skip this one shot if you please. I don't mind at all. I want you all to be safe and I love each and every one of you! I never mean for these one shots to offend anyone. Thanks for your consideration😊

Connor x Suicidal!Reader

For you, I
Could pretend like I was happy when I was sad
For you, I
Could pretend like I was strong when I was hurt

I always had a smile on my face. For him. Connor. Because if I ever were to be anything but happy, he wouldn't stop until I was. I was always getting back up on my own and building my walls back up each time they fell. Only each time they grew weaker and weaker.

I wish love was perfect as love itself
I wish all my weaknesses could be hidden
I grew a flower that can't be bloomed
In a dream that can't come true

I smile a broken smile each day and each day he grows less and less aware of my breaking. I love him, I know I do but it's hard to love someone or something that doesn't seem to feel the same way about you. I stare at the wilting plant on my window sill debating whether or not I want to go to work and be around him. His toxic happiness that pulls me into a false sense of hope. I close my eyes and fall back onto my pillow. I'll go tomorrow...

I'm so sick of this
Fake Love Fake Love Fake Love
I'm so sorry but it's
Fake Love Fake Love Fake Love

I feel the tears pour down my face as I try to force myself to sleep. I haven't been to work in days. I haven't seen him in days. I'm trying to tell myself that it's not real. The caring persona he shows. None of it's real. He's a machine, like he kept telling me and everyone else dumb enough to believe anything else.

I wanna be a good man just for you
I gave the world just for you
I changed everything just for you
But I dunno me, who are you?

I tried to give him everything. All of everything I have to offer. He keeps insisting that he doesn't feel anything, that he's not a deviant. Each time he says it the more I believe it. I changed myself to try and suit what I thought he would like. Each time I did he asked what was wrong with me or if I was alright. The people I was trying to be aren't me and he could see right through my act. I honestly don't know who I am anymore. I've lost who I really am behind all the masks I put on and the walls I built up to keep my feelings locked away. Though the masks and walls made it easier to see that something was wrong.

The forest just for us, you weren't there
The route I took, I forgot
I even became quite unsure of who I was
Try babbling into the mirror, who the heck are you?

All my lies surrounded me and made me lost in my own mind. A forest of lies that I can't escape. I turn round and round looking for a way out of the mess I've gotten myself into. I can't find anything, me, him, or a way out. I splash water on my face to bring me back to reality. The bathroom mirror I look up into is cracked and missing some pieces. It makes me look like a distorted monster. Something I really am. Tears roll down my cheeks and I freeze when I see his silhouette behind me, looming over me.

For you, I
Could pretend like I was happy when I was sad
For you, I
Could pretend like I was strong when I was hurt
I wish love was perfect as love itself
I wish all my weaknesses could be hidden
In a dream that can't come true
I grew a flower that can't be bloomed