Almost, But Not Quite (COMPLETED)

Chapter 51

#ABNQ51 Chapter 51

It was a new day. Another day to get over with.

Mabilis akong bumangon mula sa kama. My head was still pounding from the lack of sleep. You'd think that since for the past six years, I'd been running on three hours of sleep, sanay na ako. But they still were days when I felt like I couldn't function properly, but there's really nothing I could do but to power through.

Gusto ko 'to.

Ginusto ko 'to.

I had to give everything up for this, so there's no way I'd stop now.

"Good morning," bati ko kila Mama.

"Masakit pa rin ang ulo mo?" tanong niya.

Umiling ako. The last thing I needed was for her to worry about me. Alam ko na sobra na siyang nag-aalala dahil sa mga nangyayari kay Jax kaya hindi niya na kailangan na alalahanin pa ako.

I was fine... or, at least, I'd like to think that I am.

I sat down with them, and we tried to eat a normal breakfast. We talked about neutral topics—anything but about Jax because I didn't want to give my parents aneurism.

"What are your plans after?" tanong ni Papa. He's the one who was obviously trying to keep this family afloat because God knows that ever since Jax decided to make an enemy of the most affluent and corrupt family in the country, palagi na lang mainit ang ulo ni Mama.

I shrugged. "Moonlighting, perhaps..."

"Akala ko sigurado ka na sa anesthesiology?" he asked.

"Yeah... but I might try OB din," sagot ko. I really liked working in pedia, so I decided that I might have that for my residency... But I was still deciding on things. One thing I realize is that when it's about important things, I should take my time. Hindi dapat ako pabigla bigla; hindi dapat puro puso. Minsan kasi, ang tanga lang ng puso.

"Have you thought about saan ka magreresidency?" Papa asked. "Marcus—"

"Pa," I cut him off. I didn't like talking about him. Every time I'd think about him, it felt like there's this bile rising up my throat. Alam ko na hindi ako dapat magalit sa kanya... but fuck him.

I felt so fucking betrayed.

I felt so fucking stupid.

"He's still set on pursuing neuro," Papa said.

I nodded. "Good for him," sabi ko, at saka mabilis na hinigop iyong kape. Good thing Papa finally realized how badly I didn't want to talk about him.

Pagkatapos kong kumain, mabilis akong umakyat para magpalit. I knew that today's the gonna be the release of the board exam. I tried to be calm about it, but I was so stressed. Tatlong buwan akong nagkulong para magreview. I knew I did my best, but I still couldn't help but worry if I studied enough. What if may mga mali akong nasagutan? What if hindi ako pumasa? What if the past years would end up as a waste?

Fuck! Ayan na naman! My mind's wandering to places I didn't even want to go to!

I quickly grab my jacket and keys. I didn't want to wait in agony for the result. Baka bago pa lumabas iyon e mamatay na ako sa sobrang kaba. Pagbaba ko, hindi ko nakita sila Papa. Malamang kinakalma niya na naman si Mama na malapit na talagang magka-sakit dahil kay Jax. Mabilis akong lumabas para kunin ang sasakyan ko.

I didn't know where I'd go. I even turned my phone off because I didn't want anyone texting me about the result. I just began to drive and kept on driving without any real destination in my mind.