It's a really pretty day...
I wish I could go outside. I like to play outside. I'm not supposed to play outside without Mommy, though. Not even if Jenny's over. I can't go outside today. Mommy's sad today. I can hear her crying. I don't like it when Mommy's sad. She won't tell me why. But that's okay. I understand.
It's better if I stay out here when Mommy's sad. That's okay, too. I like looking out the window, anyhow.
It's a really pretty day.
~
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
And if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
Amen.
Are You real?
David says You are, but Dad told me that I shouldn't believe in what I can't see. I think You're invisible. How come?Miss Smithy from church says that You're everywhere, and that's why I can't see You. But, after that Joanna told me You were inside me. I don't know how You got there. Also, last Sunday, the preacher said You lived up in Heaven. Which one is it?
Doesn't really matter, if You're flying all over everywhere to help people and answer prayers and stuff, right? Maybe Miss Smithy was right.
Is Momma up there with You? Can she hear me, too? Hi, Momma! Is Heaven pretty? Your flowers are dying. The ones you planted out front, by the mailbox. Well, I helped. Do they have flowers in Heaven? Hope so.
Dad says you wanted to call the baby Gabriel, after the angel. Is Gabe up there with you? Maybe I can visit sometime, I never really got to see him. Joanna and David told me you visit me. I don't see you. Can you yell or something, next time, so I know you're there? Are you invisible, too? I miss you. Can you come back home?
...
It's okay if you can't. David says we'll see you again, but it might take a while, 'cause we need to wait for one of those big poofy clouds to come low enough so we can hop on and ride it to Heaven. The clouds never get low enough. But that's okay. I don't mind waiting, but we all miss you a whole lot. Love you, Momma, goodnight.
Lord, please bless Dad, and David, and Jo, and everyone, and take care of Momma until we come to see her.
Amen.
~
I broke my arm today. It hurt, a lot. Mom even had to take me to the hospital, and I had to get a cast. It's green. My arm itched. Mom says I was very good, I barely even cried after we got to the hospital. I didn't tell her about the man in the waiting room, the one without a leg. He smiled at me. My arm didn't hurt so much after that.
~
Why do people hate each other so much? Everyone is always so mad at each other. I hate it. I hate the shouting, the screaming, the door-slamming.
Mostly, I hate the angry words that people say when they are mad.
Because afterwords, they tell you they don't mean them.
But they do.
And that's when you know how much people really hate each other.
~
I'm sorry.
I didn't want to hurt you, but I don't know what I did.
I never wanted to hurt you, even if you hurt me worse.
Even if you called me names, screamed in my face that I was useless.
I know you didn't mean it.
You were just angry.
Angry at your life, and the people in it.
It's okay. I am, too.
I know you're sorry, too.
I can see it in your eyes after you're done shouting, right before you walk away.
I know you don't think I understand, that I can't possibly understand.
But I do.
I listen to the words you yelled, and I listen to the words you couldn't bring yourself to say.
I understand.
And it's okay.
~
The world is not a bad place.
~
You told me you believed in me. I know you didn't.
But I found people who did.
I still believe in you.
~
Adults are liars. I think they just don't understand.
They just don't understand things like trusting, or believing, or dreaming.
If they do they don't act like it.
I think they're just sad.
That's alright.
We all get sad sometimes.
~
I love it when the sun is shining. Have you ever noticed how the tips of the trees glow red at sunset? Or how the sea is like an in-between color of the sky and the Earth? Or how flowers look so pretty in the green grass no matter what color they are?
The world is so beautiful when you take the time to look.
~
People say it's hard to make friends. I don't think so. There are good people all around us. They probably want a good friend, too.
~
I understand. I always have.
~
Have a great day! I'm not just saying that as a formality, it's just always nice to have a great day.
~
You call us the future? Well look around. There is no future. You were the future once, too. And yet here we are, even worse off. You want the future? You want change? Show us what you know, and give us our own chance.
~
Why do adults end up loving the wrong people? They don't realize that perfectly nice ones are right in front of them.
Well, maybe that's not true all the time.
Sometimes it really seems like it, though.
~
I miss her, too.
