Ghost of You

GOY 12

I wish I could say that I comforted Nathan, or maybe even told him how I feel, but I can't.

I didn't.

Instead I told him to leave.

All my thoughts were scrambled and I felt the intense need to be alone.

The room was completely silent, except for my now steady breathing and the slow tap of my fingers against the carpeted floor.

I'm not satisfied in the slightest, calming myself down isn't helping the mess in my head and the feeling of doing something completely irrational has crossed through my mind several times over the span of eight minutes and forty-seven seconds.

"Luke?" I call out.

I asked him to wait outside the hallway about twenty minutes ago. He obliged, of course.

I start to feel really alone. I wouldn't say I was missing Luke, but having him around was better than constantly being alone or hearing Nathan cry about how he put a living being inside of Josie.

As I wait for Luke to respond, an empty feeling grows in the pit of my stomach and my arm and back start to burn. I lift up a sleeve where my arm begins to sting a little more and widen my eyes at the hand mark that continues to turn a deep red and the skin swelling across my elbow.

"Luke?" I call again, my voice rising a little.

"Le?" He calls back, pain evident in his voice. I ignore the use of the nickname, even though my heart speeds up, and breathe a sigh of relief as his head pops through the door frame.

"Can you maybe come back now? I'm done being upset." I lie. I'm still upset, but the longer he's away, the deeper the pit in my stomach grows.

"Okay, yeah." He stands from his spot outside the door and enters the room, not wasting a single second. Its only at this point that the burn starts to fade and the swelling disappears.

When hes sitting in front of me, I smile and say, "Do you want to do something crazy?"

I've always been a rule follower, and I know I'm over exaggerating, but I've been pining after the same guy for ten years.

For ten years I haven't focused on other guys because I've waited for Nathan to look back at me and say that he feels the same way. Its like I wasted all those years for nothing.

Right when I start to think that maybe I'm finally mature enough, smart enough, pretty enough- he goes and gets a girl pregnant.

It feels like the book that is my life just had all its pages scribbled on, ripped, and thrown into the fire. All thats left is the cover. A hollow, empty cover. For Gods sake, the cover isn't even hard.

Luke's eyes light up like a kid in Christmas when they meet mine and as they widen he says "Crazy? What do you wanna do that is crazy?"

"I don't know." I look down, the idea seems silly now. "Sorry, that was dumb. Its just..."

I can think about the words I want to say- I know what I want to say, but looking at Luke and forcing the words to come out feels nearly impossible.

"I want to help you." I push out and Luke leans back a little. Thought It was made to sound like a statement, It comes across as more of a question.

"Okay, you just got your heart broken, take it easy, tiger." He laughs but his laugh is cut short when I say,

"Helping you is crazy, Luke. Right now I can't seem to think of anything that makes me not want to help you. I do have a lot of questions though. I just don't think you could answer them."

"Are you sure? I understand if you don't want to help. I know your sad-"

I groan, "Turn it off."

"- so if you need time, I can give you time, Amelia." he finishes and I see the sadness in his eyes, the sudden urge to break the eye contact with him coming over me.

"I'm ready, Luke. I want to. I want to help you. I want to find you." I whisper and Luke leans forward.

"Le, are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

A short silence takes over the room until Luke smiles and leans forward a little more, out eye contact never breaking.

"This is the part where I kiss you." Luke's face rushes forward towards mine, the smile never leaving his face.

It takes me a second to react before I jump back, hitting my head against the dresser.

"Oh, Holy Jesus." I mutter. I lean my head forward and my hand flies up to cover the spot on the back of my head and Luke backs up, cackling loudly.

"You should've seen your face!" He holds his stomach and rocks forward, trying to catch his breath. "At first, you were totally into it, and then you were so scared." He doesn't stop laughing.

"No I wasn't!" I call out, embarrassed.

"Don't lie, Amelia. No need to be embarrassed. I can feel it, remember. Don't worry, I totally felt the same! You know, because of our bond." His voice grows louder and he puts emphasis on the word 'bond'.

I huff and my cheeks grow red, so I let my head fall forwards, my hair falling in my face to hide the red color that stains my skin. I stand from the floor, my hand dropping from its position on the back of my head. "Ugh!"

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. That was mean..." He stops laughing at me and I look up to see him biting on his lip, his cheeks full of air like hes holding in a laugh. "And incredibly funny!"

I stand from my spot on the floor and move to sit on my bed, Lukes cackling echoing around the room again.

"If you want to make it out alive, you'll stop. I mean it." I say, my face stern. Luke looks up from the floor, his laughing stops and a flat expression takes over his face.

"Fine. But that won't be the last time I make fun of you... or make a move on you!" he says and I turn my head away from him to hide the shocked expression.

He was making a move on me? Whats that suppose to mean?

"So, about that something crazy," he starts but leaves the rest of the sentence hanging in the air, as if I'm suppose to finish it.

I look towards the window, noticing that light has stopped peaking through the curtains and the street lights have come on.

I lay down on my side, still facing away from Luke.

I pull the comforter over myself, resting my face on the pillow, thinking about that something crazy.

"Amel-"

"We leave tomorrow."

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