Slapshots {BOYXBOY}✔

Chapter Eight {Hate Myself}

"Fuck yeah we kicked their ass!" Brody yelled as we all rushed into the locker room. Grins on our faces as we tossed out helmets into our gym bags and started to undress from out hockey gear.

"Fuckers didn't know what hit em'" Liam laughed throwing his jersey into his bag and started to unlace his skates.

We won the game 10-6. Their captain didn't even bump my fist as we joined at the end of the game. Could have something to do with the fact I mocked him for his going down comment when we passed after my last goal. One of four I scored.

"Don't even try to back out of Don's tonight Chandlers, you're going whether you want to or not." Brody bellowed as he stepped into the covered section of the locker room with the showers. Anything I would say back to him being drowned out by the sound of rushing water.

I felt myself getting uncomfortable as everybody started to go into the showers, their clothes scattered around the locker room. Normally I was long gone before this. The first to undress, grab my shit, and by the time I left everybody was in the showers. But I wanted to hang out with everyone and celebrate. Plus, I smelled like a rotting gym bag left int he sun for a week.

So, with that in mind, I grabbed a towel that was placed above the changing bench and wrapped it around my waist when I was down to nothing and made my way into the shower room where most the team was, if not there then still stripping off there gear to join.

The shower room was big, with ten shower heads on each side of a long hallway. Nearly every shower was taken but a few in the back. Keeping my eyes down at my feet I held tightly onto my towel and rushed to the back. How everyone could feel so comfortable with their bodies that they could laugh, chat and look at each other was beyond me.

My heart dropped when I heard someone call my name, and I finally had to force my eyes away from the shower wall and towards Liam, who was two showers down from me.  He starts going on about how I played tonight and how he wanted to kick my ass at air hockey once we got to Dons.

I laughed with him but I couldn't help but try and look back at the wall again, trying to avoid any eye contact with anyone else in the shower, or any other parts of them. I finished my shower as fast as I could before grabbing my towel again and rushing back into the change room drying my legs and arms with another towel before throwing my clothes on and running form the locker room, telling everyone I'd meet them at Dons.

Once out of the building I stopped at the doors and let out a deep breath that I had been holding since the showers.

I didn't like how being around them without clothes on made me feel. I remember the first time I had ever showered with the team. My stomach had felt tight and my legs weak. I had to hide out in a shower stall while everyone else stayed in the long hallway trying to will every thought I had away as I made the water as cold as it would go.

I hated myself for how I would feel. Especially after everything that had happened with Henry all those years ago.

No.

No, I wasn't going to think about that.

I screwed my eyes shut tightly leaning my head back on the two-way glass that hides the long hallway to the swimming pool.

No. There was nothing wrong with me.

I wasn't like that.

I would never be like that.

I turned away from the building and went to my car. Dad to his own truck and left after giving up a pep talk after the game, told me to be safe and drove home, most likely hoping I would spend some time out of the house.

I texted Harmony, letting her know we won the game and that we were going to Don's if she'd want to join. By now it was twenty after eight and knowing her she wouldn't go out just because she liked to be in bed by nine.  But I needed to see her, needed her to help me clear my head.

I wasn't like that. I know I wasn't. 

I was getting angry with myself again, so I pulled out from the parking lot and went a little faster than was necessarily trying to make my way to Don's without getting pulled over.

But hey, a speeding ticket would get my mind off my stupid thoughts.

Another deep breath. And another hit to the gas peddles I would be at Don's in no time.