Finding myself

Chapter 39

I walked down the alleyway, it is very dark in here. It also smells bad. But somehow I find the atmosphere very comforting.

It is like this place was made for me.

I continued down the path. Sometimes, I tend to forget that the people around me too have a life. What Jason said got me thinking.

Sometimes I get lost in myself. I forget everyone faces different difficulties. Have thoughts and actions of their own. Choices to make. People and loved ones to think and worry about. And seldom anyone wonders what goes in someone else's life. What they have to face. It is very easy to get lost within yourself.

It is not empathy I am talking about here. It is the feeling that everyone in the world has to go through their set of problems and live life just like us. Just caring about their life. What is this feeling called again? Sonder. Yes.

The people I am going to kill had their own lives and roles defined by the people around them, and ones around those. I am going to destroy it all. I am going to destroy a whole civilization.

The weight of the revelation is new to me. I am not sure how to handle it. On one hand, it seems like a new responsibility and on the other, it just seems... huge and cruel. When Sam first mentioned it, I was against it. Genocide was a bit too much. I could just kill the ones that wronged me. But then again, the other wolves would have also wronged me ut me down if given the chance. I shudder of what might have been if I didn't flee when I did. 

Sam convinced me through persistent efforts. And showing me why a stronger, newer breed is better on the long run.

They say that when one dies it is a memory, when thousands die, it is statistics. I know I will be able to get over it. Besides, it is for a superior race to replace them anyway. Sam has been working on something big. It is all for the best.

I am contemplating my life choices when something moves in the shadows. I am immediately on my guard. My nails extended. The little figure is about to attack me too.

However, we stop when we come into the light. It is Zarine. Recognition dawns on her face too... wait... can I call her, her?

I look at the long red wig he or she is holding and then back at Zarine. What the...

Realization dawns on me this time. Zarine.

She is a boy?

I just keep staring at him or her.

"Oh stop the staring," he snaps.

And I do. No wonder I thought he was a girl. The sassy remark, his long eyelashes, feminine face, red hair and even the familiar green eyes I see in the mirror every day. Most of all the now cute feminine voice that boys have before they develop. All in all, he looked like one of those anime characters. The ones that look like a boy and a girl all at once. Nevertheless, they are very pretty. Zarine was that character in real life.

This kid, he was a boy acting as a girl. Why on earth?

I look at him in question. The bond I felt towards her... him is still strong. Stronger in fact now that I know that truth. I just have to get used to it now.

To be honest he looks cuter now. If I was a normal girl I would have started pinching his cheeks because of those big innocent eyes.

But I wasn't normal, and innocent eyes scare the bejesus out of me. Plotting to end the whole world aren't they?

"What do you want?" he asks.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath to come in terms with the reality of the situation. And I approach him. The wig is still tightly clutched in his hands.