moments.

fifteen

kenzie's pov

"get up!" i smack a pillow on laurens face, awakening her. i erupt into laughter as she growls.

"you better have breakfast ready."

"waffles are downstairs." i say cheerily. she slumps downstairs, clearly suffering from a hangover. johns still asleep, and i don't feel like dealing with him right now, so i follow lauren downstairs.

"i'm hanging out with some other friends today, so it's just you and john." she tosses out casually.

"don't do this because you know i like him." i say helplessly.

"i'm not!" she lies.

"kenzie likes who?"

great. it's johnny.

"y-" lauren starts cheekily.

"no one!" i cut her off. "i mean, some guy from school. it's so nothing."

"um, okay." john looks confused, and i see a shadow of jealousy flicker across his face at the mention of another guy.

or just confusion. i need to stop overreacting about this stuff. he literally family zoned me, it's clear i have no chance with him.

"well, i've gotta go." lauren runs upstairs to get dressed and half an hour later, she's gone.

"so how was the party? i don't remember much." john says guiltily. "was i really drunk?"

"um..." my mind wanders to johnny kissing my neck, and my fingers fly to my collarbone immediately to cover the hickey. crap. "not... that drunk."

johnny laughs, and im suddenly itching to change the topic.

"come on, let's watch tv." i grab his hand and lead him to the couch, where he promptly sits beside me. i reach for the remote as johnny starts updating me on all the drama going on with his friends. he seems oblivious to the show playing in the background.

"so. interesting." i mumble, half an hour later into his story about a 'pretty girl named nadia.' apparently, she's a 'slut,' and has hooked up with johnny on many occasions, all while having a boyfriend johnny didn't know about.

i doubt it would've stopped him. i hate who he's become, even though it's kind of hot that he's a player, it's also slightly horrifying.

"hey, look!" johnny stops, pointing to the tv as a rerun of what used to be our favorite show to watch together comes on- gossip girl!

"fuck yeah!" i cheer, laughing, and getting comfortable on the couch. johnny pulls my head onto his chest and i lie down halfway against him.

"vanessa!" we both scream as the much hated tv character enters the screen.

johnny moves slightly,and suddenly his hand is on my thigh.

this is a friend thing, right?

right, totally normal. i assure myself, but my teenage hormones seem to disagree.

"hey, john, just popping in to say hi-" i hear my moms voice trail off, and johnny and i scramble to fix our positions. that's when i realize i was practically sitting on his lap. my mother's face looks horrified, and then i follow her eyes are realize vanessa and dan are heavily making out on screen and their moans are extremely load. yeah, not helping the situation, either.

"hi, mel." john stands up awkwardly and hugs her.

"hi , john." she hugs him back warily. "okay, so i've gotta head back to work, but you kids have fun." she hesitates. oh no. i know what's coming next. "but um, don't do anything i wouldn't do! and, uh, if you do, please use protec-"

"bye!" i practically shout, my face flaming. my mom forces a laugh and heads out the door.

"sorry." i say to john, but when i notice how red his face is i have to laugh.

"stop!" john fixes his expressions and takes a seat next to me again, but this time we don't touch.

"hey, john?" i grab his hand, and he looks at our fingers. i untangle them quickly, i need him to focus on what i'm saying.

"you've seemed horrible these days you're here. what's going on?"

"what do you mean?"

"like..." i hesitate. "sad."

"i am." he shrugs, trying to act like it's nothing. "like i said the day you left, i get depressed without you guys. it hasn't changed, kenz."

"what... what does it feel like?"

"i stop caring. i stop having motivation to do anything. i feel... broken. not the same. like all i want to do is sit in bed. i stop caring about schoolwork and food and friends." john's eyes are glazed over.

"im sorry." i mumble, almost in tears. i hate knowing that he's sad because of me. i hate that he's sad, period.

"don't be." john bites his lip, flicking his eyes over to the screen and hinting that he's done talking about it. grudgingly, i do the same, but i grab his hand in comfort.

he doesn't deserve pain.

quickly, john steals a glance at me, and when i look back we hold our stare. he pulls me on to his lap gently, and i shift, making myself more comfortable. we laugh and he slings his arms around my waist and i lean into him. i've never felt more at ease.

about two episodes later, we're lying down, both facing the tv and still watching gossip girl. we're spooning, i guess you could call it, and it makes my heart race.

this is crazy.

an/ hey xo, so recently in a contest someone told me john's depression came out of nowhere, and since then i've realized i'm not portraying it right. i myself have anxiety issues, i know what it feels like to be sad, although depressed is an extreme word because depression is a disease. i'm sorry if i offend anyone with the way i portray johns feelings in this book.
moving on, ive got a new book that i really enjoy writing. should i publish it? if i do, i will probably put my other book, meant to be, on hold.
and y'all aren't ready for the next chapter hehehe
—ria.<3