How To Be The Best Third Wheel

Original Edition - Tip 42: Boyfriends Can be Beneficial When Moody

I, Lara De la Cruz, find myself in bed, crying at some Christmas rom-com, after battling a good 6 hour menstrual migraine. As if cramps and PMS were not bad enough, I was blessed with the monthly migraine that gave you Christmas lights replacing regular vision and hammers pounding the inside of your head.

Amazing, I know.

On a regular day, it would be odd to find me watching some sappy romance at 3 p.m., on a Monday, and balling my eyes out, but today it is nothing but normal. At this time, I should be doing homework, or studying for a test, or doing anything that a nerd like me does. Yet, I cannot, because:

1. Physical pain and suffering.

2. Emotional issues.

3. All I want is some chocolate, ice cream, chips, an avocado, a hamburger, and maybe a pound of lychee.

I wipe my tears with my blanket and proceed to feel like utter crap. Stop crying, you idiot, I think to myself, but suddenly, the main character gets kissed by the leading man in front of the big Christmas tree in New York City that they use in literally all the movies and-

-and now I'm just gonna cry for the sake of it.

Just as the floodgates open, somebody knocks on my bedroom door. I sob. That must be Eliza, coming to get something of hers, seeing me look like a mess while she's having a splendid day.

"Come in," I croak, blowing my nose into a Kleenex.

The door creaks open and like always, James is there. He leans against the doorframe, holding a paper bag to his chest. "How's my monster shark mutant holding up?"

I laugh at the greeting and he gives me a crooked smile before heading over and taking a seat on the edge of my bed. "What brings you here, oh noble one?" I ask in my best regal voice.

"Well, there was anger, then there were tears, then I saw you in physical pain, and I finally put two and two together."

I nod. "Sounds great."

"I just didn't want to assume you were on your thing, but when you left early because of your head, well, it was a giveaway." he explains, pushing my messy hair back.

"Menstrual migraines...such a pain in my butt, right?" I try to chuckle but it sounds like I'm choking on my own spit instead.

"I can tell."

"So what's in the bag?" I ask, grabbing for it, but he quickly swipes it away from me.

"Sorry, it's not for you." he tells me, with a smirk plastered across his face.

As if.

I lunge forward, trying to get the paper bag from his grip, but when he dodges me, I fall face first onto the bed.

"Damn it James! Just give me the frickin bag!"

In response to that, he stands up on the mattress and holds the paper bag above his head. "You'll have to get it from me if you want it."

I jump up and try to grab the bag. Each time, I fail and James is there, mocking me with his obnoxious laughter.

I grab his shoulders and jump onto him, the paper bag almost in my reach, when he suddenly loses his balance. At that moment, Lara and James were both doomed. We both tumble down. Luckily for me, I land on the bed still.

Or so I thought I was lucky.

James falls right on top of me, and I squirm, trying to get out from under his body (which is crushing my organs by the way). He laughs, propping himself onto his forearms, relieving the weight that was crushing me.