In Your Own Words

15. SUBJECT: RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD

to: cassandra.belford@baderu.com

from: weston.maguire@baderu.com

subject: Relationships are hard

sent: March 15, 2017 at 2:19pm

Hey Cassie,

I'll admit, it seems pretty crazy to me that a guy my age is getting ready to marry his girlfriend. It just seems so... I don't know, I think huge was the right word. It's overwhelming to even think about that big of a commitment.

It's a lot like the conversation Peter and I had yesterday morning on our way back from the gym. Peter asked me how things had been going with Mel since it'd been a while since our last date.

"I can't believe I still haven't met her," Peter said. He elbowed me in the side.

I shrugged. "It's not that serious. We're dating, we haven't even had the girlfriend conversation yet. I'll introduce you soon."

Peter laughed. "You're just worried she's going to leave you for me. Again." This was a reference to the fact that Peter stole my valentine in fifth grade. I liked a girl named Carolina Paz-Soldan, and so I made her a special valentine. I used glitter and everything. Carolina made a special card too, but she gave hers to Peter.

It's fine, I'm over it.

"I'm happy taking it slow with Mel," I told him.

"I don't know," Peter said. "I've seen you  excited, and in those cases, you wouldn't stop going on about whatever it was you were into."

"Like?"

"The Bourne movies. The Taco Stand. Some of the music Sky gives you. That YouTube video with the soldier coming home to his dog," he listed off quickly.

"Yeah, but those are things. Mel is a person. I like her plenty, I just don't want to move too fast."

Pete made a 'whatever' gesture. "I'm not saying you need to give her your class ring and ask her father for his blessing. But you seem... indifferent."

"Indifferent, how?" I asked. I was caught off-guard.

"Oh, come on, man. You never talk about her, not unless I ask. She's only come by the house a couple times. When I ask you about her, you don't really say anything. Things like 'she's fun' or 'she's cute' like you're talking about anything. There isn't any... enthusiasm."

I wasn't defensive, but I was definitely getting there. "Yeah, but I'm never intense about relationships. You didn't meet Rach right away when we started going out."

"Yeah, but that's what I'm talking about. You weren't exactly torn up when things ended with Rachel. And I'm not saying she wasn't a great girl. I liked Rach, and I'm sure Mel is just as nice. But I'm not sure what to think of seeing you so passive about another relationship."

"It isn't like you cried about Aisha when you guys broke up." I was sure I'd crossed a line, like I'd been too harsh.

"Right," Peter said without missing a beat.

"Wait, what?"

"Aisha and I were fine together, but we were both settling to some extent. Not unhappy, but not happy either."

"You weren't happy together? What do you mean? She's so great. I just...  I thought you loved her," I said dumbly.

"Sure, I did. She is great. But I didn't love her the way either of us deserves. Neither did she." Peter said this so casually. I guess he's been giving it a lot of thought. As if he'd read my mind, he continued. "You know, break ups suck, regardless. I still miss her. But did you see how Lena reacted when she and Taylor broke up? It wasn't anything like that for me. For me and Aish, breaking up was disappointing. But for Lena and Taylor, it was devastating. It's something I've been thinking about a lot since she stayed with us. I'm not saying that your feelings need to be huge to be worth the relationship. I'm just saying it's something to think about." Pete shrugged. Then he asked me about a paper I've been working on all week.