Changed me

You're a Distraction

Nile I'm Sorry. That's what her recent text message said. Reading the three words made my heart rate accelerate. Lila has been texting me all day, which is weird because our conversations in person were next to nonexistent. She was not exactly someone I wanted to converse with anyway. Our texts usually just involved things I needed to do whether it was picking up Aria or being in the house instead of the shed. However, today was different. Darren has been drinking more than usual and last night he got out of hand. Lila has been checking in to see if Aria was okay.
Letting her know that Aria was with me and that we were at the DeVoux's house she seemed to calm down. Lila was an interesting person. She seemed to always be at conflict with herself and when Darren first started bringing her around she was actually nice. She would talk to me about things she thought I was interested in and sometimes give me a piece of candy without Darren knowing. She even bought me some gifts. She wasn't my mom but she was genuinely kind in the beginning. However, as time continued she turned cold almost like it was better to stay away than to get involved.

"Aria, you're going to sleep here tonight okay," I said to Aria who was yawning. I could feel Manny's eyes burning a hole into the back of my neck but I knew if I turned to look at her my resolve would break down. Before meeting Manny the only person who had any sort of an effect on me was Aria. However, that has changed drastically. Now there is this girl who has come into my life like a whirlwind and for the first time ever I have something to lose. I knew not paying attention to her, not acknowledging her was hurting her but I couldn't. I have to go home tonight.
"Are you staying here too?" Aria asked touching my shoulders with her small hands in what I assume was supposed to be comforting.

" No, but I will be back in the morning okay. You know everyone here and they're here if you need them tonight. They all love you and are going to take good care of you." Aria nodded and went back to where she was drawing earlier. I love that kid. It did not take much to make her happy. She was so simple. That is why I could never understand why Darren made it seem as though she was asking the world from him. I always wondered if he wanted Aria. That sounds a bit crazy but I know for certain that his hatred for me was because of my mom. Aria however never did anything to upset him. She even went out of her way to try to make him smile.
"Hey, I don't get a hug?" I asked Aria quickly drawing her attention back to me. Turning her head around to look at me she smiled before coming to hug me. Ever since she could walk Aria hugged me the same way. She would rest her head on my shoulders first and then wrap her arms around me.  Holding her a little tighter I gently rubbed her back the way I always did to try to calm her down. "Thanks, kid." Without a final word, I left the house mentally trying to prepare myself for whatever downward spiral Darren was currently having. I pushed Manny out of my mind because it took everything in me not to wrap my arms around her and forget everything about going to that house. That is what Manny did. She makes me forget. Forget that I had a bad day. Forget that my body was in pain.. She had power over me that even I could not understand.
"Hey!" The voice broke through my thoughts quickly. " Nile seriously!" I heard her footsteps quicken letting me know she was running and before I knew it her soft hands were wrapped around my forearm yanking me to a stop. As always my heart started to race as soon as she got close to me. The effect this girl has on me is absolutely insane. "Nile, what did I do to you?" She asked. Her usually warm and bright face was downcast. I wanted to hug her and kiss the frown away. I wanted to rewind time to a few nights ago just sitting on the guest bed at her house talking about all the things we would do if we were positive we could not be arrested. I wanted that moment again.  I wanted to say sorry and make her laugh so hard that she would snort, but I couldn't do any of that.
"You are a distraction." In the best way. The words flew out of my mouth before I could even think them through. Although my eyes were not directly on her I felt her flinch as soon as the words hit her ears. Shaking my forearm out of her grasp I try to put some distance between us. Manny has become my greatest weakness which is probably dramatic to say but much of my power rises and falls where she is concerned.
"I am what?" Her response was immediate "And I promise if you call me a distraction again you're going to meet a Manny you really don't want to. So either you tell me what's going on or I walk away." I could not read whether or not she was telling the truth, however, I would be damned if I let her walk away.
"Don't do that." Grabbing hold of her soft hand I intertwined our fingers. My body immediately felt at ease at her touch. Damn it if this girl did not have more power over me than even I cared to admit. "Don't walk away from me." Please. All my words were coming out as whispers and I didn't know why but I knew she heard me. There was so much I wanted to say and so much I wanted to hear her say. Man I just wanted all of this to be over.
"What is going on?" Releasing her lip from between her teeth she looked down at our hands. I wanted to see her eyes. Those big eyes whose warmth seemed to be in competition with the sun itself. The ones that got bigger when she was overly scared or really excited. The same ones that told you absolutely everything you needed to know about how she was feeling in a specific moment.
"Manny you don't need to be involved." She kept the distance between us but I could not take it. Pulling her hands lightly I wrapped them around my waist the way she normally did. She collided with my chest lightly.  Is it weird that at this moment I remember exactly what it felt like the first time she ever hugged me like this ? She had caught me off guard after class one day. Instead of hugging me the way she normally did she wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head on my chest. It was after a rough night with Darren and the gesture alone meant so much to me. She held onto me as if she was trying to speak something to me that words could not convey.
Her fake laughter pulled me out of my memory "what part don't you get Nile? The part where I care about you so if it concerns you it concerns me? Or maybe it's the part where I said that I am here and I'm not going anywhere. See Nile I care about you, man I damn near love you, but I will not fight with you for you. Its either you let me be on your side actually scratch that, that's your only option. Because I'm not going anywhere." The words came out of her mouth quickly as if she was playing some rapid-fire trivia game. "So I'm going to pretend like you didn't call me a distraction and you're going to tell me what is going on."
She just told me she loved me. This girl who could have anyone and deserves every good thing in this world just told me she loved me. How could I keep her out of my life?  " Lila left and Darren is drunk and they both have  been texting me all night. Earlier when I was on my phone it was because Lila texted me to let me know she wasn't coming back. She said she couldn't be with him anymore and that she would be back for Aria." with every word that I spoke I kept pulling her closer and holding her tighter. Having her close was silencing everything in my mind for the first time since Lila's phone call. " So, I couldn't let Aria sleep there tonight. Not after he hit her the last time. I can't let what happens to me happen to her. She should not have to deal with her father beating on her. I can deal with him."
"No you can't and you shouldn't have to. Please stay here." Taking a deep breath she continued "Please." Her expressive eyes pleaded as well only making this whole situation even more difficult.
" I have to. He'll just get angrier if he looks for me and can't find me. It's best to go ride out the storm." She opened her mouth to protest but I shook my head. " Baby, I promise I will be back at your house no later than 10 am tomorrow morning. I promise." Giving her my word I hugged her holding on to her a bit tighter than before whether or not it was for her reassurance or my own is still unknown to me. But the hug was not enough for me. Leaning down I kissed her gently and held on to the calmness that swept over me. I could not read why but this kiss was different than the normal ones we have shared. 
"Promise?" she asked pulling away lightly.
"I promise." Pulling her in for a hug one last time I prepared myself to deal with the hurricane more commonly known as Darren. But before my thoughts could fully switch I remembered what she said amidst her rambling. " Hey curly sue," I called over my shoulder. " I love you too." Her face lit up and her bottom lip slipped into her mouth before she nodded and turned around.
In a matter of a less than five-minute conversation, Manny managed to put my mind at ease and make me feel loved all at once. It amazes me how life can be both unbelievably amazing and unimaginably terrible at the same time. It is crazy that joy and sorrow coexist. However, I needed to get my mind right for when I got home. Usually, when Darren was in a mood it was best to avoid him and stay out of his way. He would more often than not come looking for me in the shed either to pick a fight or just to yell.