To Be A Killer

Chapter 61: Addicted To Love

"And here is Runner Five. Sorry to drag you all the way out here," Maxine says as I wipe the sweat from my face and run through the gates that close just behind me, "although Sam said Moonchild's been force feeding you ginseng tea and playing trance remixes of whale song. So uh, maybe we did you a favor."

"You did," I pant. "You really did."

She got me to drink three cups of that retched stuff, and she got the P.A.C. members to drink even more. And that song wasn't something I enjoyed. I went to sleep rather quickly in hopes to block it out, but the nightmares I had still had that low beat to it, as if to say it was something I couldn't escape.

I already have too many things I can't escape. I don't need anymore added to the list.

"Any word on what we did to that shooter at New Canton?" Louise asks, and Paula shrugs.

"Nothing coherent. They managed to bring him down, but he just keeps saying he had a grudge against the P.A.C. Still, you're a bit of a hero to New Canton, Five."

Lovely. I have even more people I'm eventually going to let down when I get mind controlled, and then die.

I know Sam says we have to have hope, that there might be some way to stop this, but I really, really doubt it.

"Okay, guys, ready to go?" Maxine says before coughing loudly. Paula frowns.

"You're not well enough for this, darling."

"I'm-I'm fine. I've... got to do this. I can't-Paula, I don't know how many more times I can wake up and not... lose myself. I've only got an hour before I have to go back under and... you have to go."

"And you really think this is gonna help?" Louise says with a raised brow. "I'm not havin' a go or anything, but when I left the nic, I didn't have any plans to go back."

I tense. We're going back there?

Flashes of whips and forceful blows and a crown made of barbed wire flashes through my head. Taunts of 'Where is your God now?' and 'Pray for your God to save you,' ring in my ears.

I don't want to go back there.

"It's worth it, I promise. I've been running brain scans on myself when I'm conscious. I uh, played a variant of the mind control signal."

"Which was a very stupid thing to do," Paula grumbles.

"I can't beat this thing unless I understand it, and I think I do understand it. The scan showed that the mind control activated the same neural pathways as addiction." She pauses for a moment. "Don't you see how important that is? If we can treat addiction, maybe we can treat this the same way.

"I studied OP dependency at MSC, darling. Do you remember? But I need the latest research-the latest drugs. That's why I'm sending you to the prison. They had an entire drug treatment wing there. It had a reputation as the best in the city. Please, Paula. Please help me help myself."

The redhead nods. "Always, Love."

"Thank you."

"Uh, you need to raise the gates again, Maxi," Louise points out.

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Raise the gates! Covering fire!"

The alarm goes off as the gates go up, and I take in a deep breath. I don't want to do this, but I will. For Maxine... and myself.

If this can keep me from hurting Abel, hurting my kids, hurting Sam, then I'll do it. I'll go back to that place if it helps save them from me.

"We'll be quick, Maxi. We'll be really quick," Paula says, and we run.

The ground is still muddy from the terrible rain that we had last night. And the cold December air doesn't make me feel any better. It's odd. The last time I was at the prison, it was just beginning to get warmer. It was earlier this year, really. It has only been about eight months since I was last here... God, it feels like it's been years since I last visited...