Remember Me [harry styles] ✓

16 - Mustard and mirrors

  "I come alive when I hear your voice, it's a beautiful sound, it's a beautiful noise."  

"You've got lovely thick hair." Ayae says as she ties off the most beautiful fishtail braid I've ever seen. She rests it over my left shoulder as I stare at myself in the dressing room mirror, self-consciously playing the the Guest lanyard hanging around my neck. I'd been caught gawking as the other girls - whose names I've since learned are Clare and Sarah - had their hair styled and was invited to join in. 

I've never seen the appeal of getting  pampered but it's a nice pick me up after earlier. I'd cried myself near enough dry in that fold-down chair, and although I'd felt somewhat lighter afterwards, the emotional stress of it all had left me feeling exhausted. I'd slept for two hours on an uncomfortable, hard sofa in one of the dressing rooms and shared an entire packet of double coat Tim Tams with Harry.

"All done." She spritzs her masterpiece with a sweet smelling hairspray, leaving me feeling like I'm sat in a cloud of some sort of pink powder-puff.

"Thank you ever so much." I tell her and brush my fingers over it lightly. She made it look so easy; intertwining the hair as if it were second nature to her. I'm already dreading having to take it out, knowing full well I'll never be able to replicate it myself.

"You're most welcome." She beams at me and returns the hairspray to a heavy duty bag sat on the dressing table.

"Hey, Juni - you look great!" Harry's presence seems to fill the entire room, but it's not the cause of my widened eyes.

He grins at me in the reflection of the mirror, hands on hips like Peter Pan, dressed in a mustard suit. The sleeves are embroidered with a twisting pattern of black and white and there's a plain black tee underneath the jacket.

How does he manage to pull everything off?

"Never mind me!" I exclaim, whirling around in the chair so that I'm facing him instead. "Look at you!"

I'm pretty sure that Harry is the only person in the world who can pull that suit off. In fact, any of the suits he's worn on this tour. I want to ask him when exactly he made the leap from Jack Wills to Gucci but I know I'll just end up thinking about everything else that got left behind. And we're supposed to be moving on - moving forward.  

"I told you it would blow your mind." He shrugs with an arrogant smirk, and performs a 360 spin. Not wanting to agree in case I increase his clearly already inflated ego, I roll my eyes and return the chair so that I'm facing my own reflection again. The fishtail braid really is a nice change from my usual milk-smelling, scruffy top knot. 

"Showtime in T minus fifteen minutes!" A new voice projects into the room, and despite my heart racing in response, everyone else just smiles as if they've merely been informed of today's date. 

Ayae - whilst in deep conversation with Clare regarding the fuchsia shade of her lipstick - begins to tame a rogue strand of Harry's hair that's sticking out in defiance. With his nose scrunched up, he looks like a young boy; embarrassed by his mother's fussing and I have to hold back a laugh. It's nice to see a glimpse of Harry as I knew him before - immature, cheeky. Despite his facial expression, I know full well that Harry's loving every moment of his pampering, and the attention he receives in general. 

With Ayae's attention now elsewhere, Harry crosses the room, coming to stand directly behind me with his hands resting on my shoulders. His fingernails are still painted charcoal but chipped around the edges as if he's been gnawing on them, and I want to ask him whether it's purely for effect or if there is something that's bothering him. 

"Excited?" He asks, leaning down so that his chin is perched on the top of my head. His chain swings forward, bumping the back of my neck and I notice that the colour of his suit makes my already fair complexion appear even paler. In response to his question, I nod. "Ayae is watching tonight as well. You two will be sitting together so you'll have to go and find your seats soon, ok?" 

I hadn't even considered where I might be watching the show from tonight and I can't decide whether having Ayae with me is going to be a good thing or not. Sure, it will be nice to have some company in the form of a familiar face but after what happened in sound-check, I'm not entirely convinced that I'm actually going to be emotionally stable for the duration of the show. 

"Ok." I reply eventually and right on cue, Ayae appears at Harry's side. She rocks back and forth on her mauve velvet Creepers and slides her mobile phone into the front pocket of her dungarees. 

"Ready?" She asks, beaming down at me in the chair. Her excitement is infectious and I find my lips tugging up on one side. 

"Most definitely." I assure her and Harry steps out of the way as I slide out of the chair. The soles of my shoes hit the linoleum and I'm half way across the dressing room when something suddenly tugs me back. 

I stumble slightly and am spun straight into Harry's mustard-clad chest. He winds his arms around me, enveloping me in a tight hug and instinctively I do the same in return, resting my head just below his left shoulder.  

"Were you going to go without wishing me good luck?" He snickers in my ear. I snort in response.

"As if you need it, Harry." 

"True." He chuckles after a short pause, but he tightens his arms around me anyway. "Thank you for being here, Juni." 

I lean away and smile up at him. I don't want us to be too sentimental right now, too emotional. Otherwise I fear the moment he starts singing Sweet Creature, I'm going to come to pieces again and I don't have a clue if Ayae knows who or what it's about. "Go break a leg."

I give him one last squeeze and hurry after Ayae. She guides us down a corridor and through a set of heavy double doors before we're exposed to the main arena. The lights are still up but the screaming has already started, as has the animation of Harry with the Rubik's Cube. Pride flags wave madly from all sections and every single person appears to be singing along to Camila Cabello's Havana that's blasting through the speakers. It's just as hot as I remember, only this time I'm not wedged into a complex puzzle of people standing in the pit. 

Our seats are slightly to the side of the stage in what appears to be a reserved section. Some unfamiliar faces have already gathered here and Ayae greets a few of them as we pass, but I'm so focused on the fact that this is going to be the first time I see Harry perform properly that I can't even bring myself to tear my eyes away from the floor. I'm tingling all over with anticipation by the time we locate our seats and am grateful that Ayae is too busy tapping away on her phone to have noticed - what I imagine to be - the wide-eyed, frantic expression on my face. 

And then, like in Melbourne; the track stops playing, the lights drop and the screaming becomes impossibly louder. 

My front teeth sink into my lower lip and my heart beats loud enough that I can actually count my pulse. Ayae starts cheering beside me and then suddenly the stage is illuminated, and that hauntingly familiar music begins to play. The choir-like harmonies, the tinkle of Clare's keyboard and the softly spoken words on the backing track - I saw this angel, I really saw an angel. 

And then, Harry is there and he's erupted into life; a feral cry falling from his lips. He saunters across the stage as if he's been there all night and as I fix my eyes on him, rather than desperately try to get his attention like before, rather than seethe with eight years worth of all consuming rage - this time my brain screams the same four words over and over again until I think my heart is about to burst free from my chest.

That's my best friend. 

author's note: Ah - I just love these two. Juni is definitely now on track to moving past what happened. I'm really enjoying writing about the two of them so I hope you are all enjoying reading it just as much! Thanks again for all the support!