Cheater | 박지민

十二

"I know of so little, that the strings of my piano are dusty,the depressions doesn't let it touch"

Jimin's POV

The cold wind was hitting against my warm red cheeks, my eyes weren't even helping me guide my way. But my legs seem to recognise the direction with each step I take I could feel my destination becoming closer to me. It was cold yet I was boiling inside. My throat was uncomfortable that it was suffocating air for it to pass through my lungs.

Not many people was on the streets cause it was midnight which I was grateful of because whoever who saw me now would think I just gone through a broke up or just got beaten up by someone. Mainly because I look like a mess now. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. I'm a mess.

I quickened my pace to the corner of the park not many people know about because I was at the verge of breaking down. Thoughts were flowing through which only made me feel worse, picture by picture, I couldn't stand for one more minute.

I couldn't stand one more second in the hospital room with you. I couldn't stand hearing one more word you were about to say. I couldn't stand one more contact with your broken eyes. I couldn't stand. I couldn't stand myself. I hated myself. A lot. So I came out while you were sleeping there.

By the time my eyes was swollen with tears, I have finally reached the place with a big shady tree covering half of the hill. It was like a cover from the outside world, keeping you safe in that small little shelter. I plugged in my earphones and breath. The air was filled with bitterness. Even now I hate breathing.

I took out one metal rectangular object from my pocket which was reflecting the shades of the moon. This object has always been beautiful. I love how the silver sword draws on my skin and create red lines on it. I love the feeling of pain. The pain that I deserve.

"I hate myself. I hate myself. You deserve this for cheating on her, Park Jimin. I hate you, Park Jimin-n. I hat-t"

I was choking on my own tears with each line it marked on my pale skin. My lips was trembling and heart breaking to see myself becoming into a monster. All because of that mistake, I created all of this.

Your girlfriend is going through something odd. It's not a specific disease that is causing her to faint. But with the medicine you said she uses and by the way her body reacts to it, it's more of a mental illness which is caused by an extreme heartbreak or disappointment. We can't help her till we find out what's the actually cause.

"NO NO NO" Tears started to flow heavily as my hand shake with an off-beat rhythm. I was biting my lips so hard that I even started to taste a familiar metallic taste on my tongue. Even now, everything I saw was red. Knuckles that turned into fist, I punched at the innocent tree with much strength.

Punching and punching. It was painful. Yet the pain couldn't be as painful as the one in my heart. I couldn't relate with my physical hurt to my mental one. But I knew you were going through even more.

Soon, I was huffing and puffing like a wild wolf after running a few million miles. I was tired. Tired of all this hurt and pain. Tired of the mess I created. Tired of me being me. Tired of being Park Jimin.

I slumped onto the ground, hugging my knees towards myself with my head between it. I let my tears flow and my thoughts go wild for one night. I let my hand go through my hair with much annoyance.

"She found out and she knew. What should I do? Would she continue to love a cheater?"

I'm a mess and I'm annoyed about myself. I'm a mess and I hate myself. I hate you, Park Jimin.