[Connor X Reader]: Trying

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[Angst] [Smut]

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You threw your empty bottle of whiskey at the wall, hearing glass crashing and falling to the floor. Something about the sound gave you bad nostalgia, but you didn't know why exactly. 

You reached over the bed that you sat on, grabbing another whiskey bottle that was completely full. You opened it and took a large swig, feeling the alcohol run down your throat smoothly.

Annoyed, you threw the bottle at the wall, now hearing the crashing sound with an added swishing liquid. "I need something stronger goddammit."

You leaned back on the headboard and sighed, wanting to just disappear from existence. To just to be able to lie down on your bed, and let it engulf you into an abyss. 

"Lieutenant L/n? Is everything alright in there?" 

You jumped at the sudden knocking, heart pacing as you reached over for your gun on the bedside table. You didn't have anyone over today, so someone must've broken in. 

You soon recognise the voice and slightly lower your weapon. Walking over to the bedroom door, you peak through the keyhole. "Connor is that you?"

"That is correct." You opened the door and saw him with his coin in his hand, executing tricks on the small piece of metal.

He stopped abruptly, looking you up and down. You noticed the LED on his temple flicker yellow and then red for a moment, before going back to blue. 

"What do you need Connor? And how the hell did you enter my house without sounding the alarm?"

Before he could answer, you shook your head and told him to forget it. You then moved to the side so he could enter your dimly lit room. It wasn't completely messy for once, except for the broken glass and spilled liquid beside the wall. You closed the door behind you and sat on the bed, bouncing up at the impact.

"I needed to make sure nothing happened to you. I called your phone, and you didn't pick up. I also came through your window, you didn't answer the door as well." 

It was odd, you would've heard the doorbell ringing from my room. You were probably too deep in thought to notice or maybe just induced by the alcohol getting to your head.  

You shrug at Connor's statement, feeling a bit guilty in the end. You noticed him analyzing the broken glass with a strong intent in his eyes. "Two 64 ounce Jack Daniels. Were you trying to induce yourself?" 

You laugh at his words, wiping a fake tear. "Key word, Connor: trying." 

"May I ask why?" Your eyes perked up at him as your lip quivered. You looked over to the source of reeking alcohol and shut your eyes tight, remembering the reason of trying to numb yourself. 

You let out a long sigh. Scooting over a little bit and patting the mattress beside you, you tell Connor to sit there. He did as told, sitting in an unnatural position. You shook your head at his stupid stance. 

"I was with my parents this morning, just to spend some time with them. They were the best role-models I could ever have. And so I decided to come out to them, after all of these years of trusting them. I finally said that I was Bisexual...but I was too naive to think properly. I hadn't even asked them for their opinion on the LGBTQ+ community, so I don't know what went through my head when I thought of coming out." 

Your eyes darted back at Connor and see his eyebrows furrowed. He seemed to be thinking, but you continued. 

"Their yelling and screaming is practically engraved into my skull, and I can't get rid of the noise. Now they disown me, they want me out of their lives for good. Even saying that they didn't want to see my face ever again in their lives. I really am the worst daughter, aren't I?" 

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