When I was still in love with you

Chapter Four

CHAPTER FOUR

"What did he say when you told him that?" Desiree asked.

"What was his reaction?" Mag asked.

"Do I still look handsome?" We looked at Adrian when he asked me that question.

"NO!" We all said. And he just frowned. We just don't want to admit that he is handsome; it will make him boastful.

"I knew it! You have a crush on me, right?" I forgot that he can read my mind. I just ignored him and continued answering their questions...

"He laughed at me and asked me what's wrong with me. He told me 'I love you too' in his most platonic voice since we mostly tell each other "I love you" ever since I've known him."

They all got silent and I remembered the next thing which happened after that.

But I looked at him seriously, and that's when he felt that it's something serious. He knew that I meant romantically and not as best friends. And I noticed that he sat inches away from me. And that single gesture gives a pang in my heart.

Since he's good at denying and hiding, he laughed too hard.

"Hey dude, you're really funny! Don't joke like that again, okay? It won't be funny at the second time around." He said then stood up. "It's getting late; I have to bring you home already." He smiled then started walking away from me. All I can see is his back until he looked at me and called me. Ever since that day, we became distant. I'm never used to his absence.

And every time he is not around, I'm either with my family or with Benny. I diverted my attention to him. Not that I'm using him, or covering from my broken heart, but he is the one who stayed. He knows all of my pain and suffering. When I'm with Benjamin, I can cry all I want and he makes me laugh after I cry. He treats me to ice cream and we usually go to the amusement park and zoo. When we ride those extreme rides, I can scream all of my pain and no one can hear me since others focus on their own experience and screams.

I realized that I must be crazy. Why would I even think that I fell in love with him? Maybe I was just influenced by my other friends who are happily in love. Maybe I got carried away just because someone told me that I and Tony are too close already to the point that we would fall for each other. Yeah that must be it. It must be just an infatuation, a crush, admiration or something other than love.

That's why when weeks have passed, I talked to him. I told him all of my realizations and it all went back again. We are back to being friends again. Can't say the best friend moments were back but at least we started hanging out again on the hill.

Tony introduced his next girlfriend who's named Jacqueline. At first, it was fine with me. But then I realized that I can't take it anymore so I avoided them by all means. Since then, my best buddy is Benjamin. He'd always support me whenever I cried. He would hug me and caress my back. He is the one who wipes my tears away. But too much crying and stress triggered my heart. My chest locks and it's hard for me to breathe that made my parents bring me to hospital. I begged my mom not to let anyone know but Benjamin and Desiree. They were my only visitors aside from my family.

I'm only alone in my room and since I'm bored in the hospital, I checked my phone. No messages or calls from him. I activated my account and I regret doing it. He posted too many pictures of him and his girlfriend. I stalked him and they were so in love. He will never love me that way.

My condition is getting worse. My parents don't want to tell me why. But I heard their conversation while I'm still half asleep. It's Rheumatic Heart Disease or also known as RHD. So I searched for it.