The Flame (Avengers Fanfiction)

24-Hey God? It's Me

A month passes.

I keep the book hidden, keep that part of me on a leash. I do what I'm good at and keep it hidden. I work with Tony, I go to Matt's. Now, I'm going to church. I have to get something off my chest. I almost expect to burst into flames when I walk over the threshold of the church, seeing that I now know my ties to the ruler of underworld, but I don't. I walk into the church without anything happening to me, the door shutting behind me.

I dipped my fingers into the holy water by the door of the church as I took off my hat. I made the sign of the cross with my holy water covered fingers as I walked further into the church. My heels clicked against the tile as I walked past the baptismal pool. I held the hat in front of me with both hands, slowly and carefully walking down the aisle. I passed pew after pew before I sat down near the confession booths, of course genuflecting before I sat. The wooden pew was cold and hard against my back and legs. It almost felt wrong to be here, like I couldn't be here. Especially with what happened a month ago. Stop that. Those men were going to die anyway. They were horrible excuses of men.

I looked around the church as I placed my hat beside me. The church was completely empty and was completely silent, save for my breathing and heart beat. My heart was thundering in my chest and it became almost deafening as I heard a man's footsteps nearing. Relax, you idiot.

"You're very early for confession." The man comments and I turn my head. The priest smiled warmly at me and I smiled nervously. I stood up, straightening out my pencil skirt. I had worn my most church appropriate outfit, which was a pencil skirt and pink blouse combo, a baby pink coat covering it all. Even my heels were very different from the heels that I usually wore. Can't look like a whore in church.

"I have a lot to confess, Father." I respond and he nods, walking into the booth and shutting the door. I swallow hard and walk into adjoining booth, sliding the door shut as I sit down.

"In name of Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, amen." The priest speaks and I whisper the words as well, doing the sign of the cross.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I cannot even remember the last time I went to confession, Father. It's been awhile, but I have plenty of sins that I need to get off my chest." I say softly, not wanting my words to echo in the empty church.

"That's why we are here." The Father responds and I nod, shutting my eyes for a moment. It's just God, the priest, and me. I think for a moment before speaking.

"I've had premarital sex, Father. And the man I have been having sex with right now, I really like him. He's a Catholic too, but I know it's still a sin. Uh I use birth control, that's a sin. I've used the Lord's name in vain plenty of times. I've worked on Sundays and I haven't gone to church in years. I've been angry...." My sins pour out of my mouth. Just sin after sin after sin. The Father just nods, listening to what I have to say until I get to one of my biggest sins.

"I've killed people. Its part of my job, but I've killed people." My voice is very soft, my eyes on my clasped hands informs of me. The emotional side of me is screaming out, feeling incredibly guilty over what had happened a month ago. Everyone you have killed deserved it. It's part of the job, you know that.

"Do you regret killing these people?" He asks and I sigh. I had to be truthful.

"No not all of them. Almost none of them I regret killing." Told you so.

-

After doing my penance, I put on the wide brimmed hat and slipped on a pair of sunglasses. I dipped my fingers in holy water once more, made the sign of the cross, and walked outside. Cameras flashed.. I smiled at waved at the cameras before walking down the street, the small group of paparazzi following me.

"Miss Stark! Miss Stark! Who is the man you've been seen with? And are you spending Valentine's Day with him today?" I stop for a moment when I hear Christine Everhart's voice. She, at one time, was completely infatuated with Tony just because they had one night in Malibu. I smirk, turning to look at her. Even though I had just confessed, I had to tease her.

"Asking about my love life? Isn't that a little low for you, Christine? For Valentine's Day?" I ask as I turning my head back around, continuing to walk. Christine keeps on following, quickly moving so she's in front of me. I stop walking, my glossy lips pressing together. I was going to spend the day with Matt, or the night really. He was working during the day. But Christine didn't need to know that.

"Peyton Stark, you've been seen with the same man walking around Hell's Kitchen. We at Vanity Fair just want to know who it is." Christine smiles at me, but I know it's a fake smile. I take off my sunglasses as the few remaining paparazzi either leave or surround us. I have been good at hiding Matt from the public by either covering up my appearance or by not going out too much.

"You know, you never ask Captain Rogers these type of questions." I tell her and she continues to smile at me. I fake smile back.

"Captain Rogers hasn't been seen with anyone." She responds, "Your brother has been in a relationship with Pepper Potts for five years now. I think everyone would be overjoyed to hear that you are in a relationship." I roll my eyes at everything she says.

"I'm in a relationship, you can have that." I tell her before flying off to the tower. Leaving Christine Everhart in front of the church, cameras flashing as I fly away.

-

Matt had his arms wrapped around me as I cooked dinner for the both of us. I smile as he kisses my cheek. My feet were bare, the heels and coat discarded by his front door. His tinted glasses were off, those were resting on the counter. His coat and tie were off as well, his top shirt buttons unbuttoned.

"You know I'm not going to be able to make a kickass meal if you're holding me like that." I murmur to him as I stir the sauce for the pasta. He chuckles and kisses my cheek again, his scruffy face scratching against my skin.

"I'm sorry, but if my memory serves correct, I think you told me that you can deal with any sort of distractions." Matt murmurs back, kissing my neck. I smile, my heart beating fast. I rested my hands on top of his, tilting my head for him.

"Well you're a different type of distraction, Murdock." I tease, turning in his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck. He's smiling too.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Pey." He says softly before leaning forward and kissing me. My worries melting away. I kiss him back, happiness swelling in my chest. That's right. Mother fucking Valentine's Day. It's a day I usually spent by myself or out on the town, jumping from club to club all night long until I found someone I wanted to bring back with me. Not this year. This year I had someone to actually spend it with, with a man I adore.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Matt." I respond, leaning my forehead against his head. He still had his tie on from work, so I wrapped my hand up in it. Matt chuckles as I kiss him one more time before turning back around. His arms wrapped around me tight, holding me to him. I shut off the burners, giggling as he starts to kiss my neck again. It's awfully domestic, disgustingly adorable. Horribly loving. It's something that my predecessors never had.

It's something that I long to keep.