Project: Socialize (Chapters 1-197)

84. Weirdness

When I finally woke up, Loriana was no longer laying beside me on her bed. I was laying on her bed alone and surrounded by the smell of her body. Slowly, I blinked once, but was reluctant to get up. The world appeared too frightening for me, and the only source of comfort and protection I felt was when I'm surrounded by the pleasant smell of Loriana's body. Thus I rolled over to her side of the bed and brought the bed covers over my head. I then buried my face in the pillow she had rested her head on last night and took a deep breath.

This was the smell of comfort, this was the smell of peace, and this was the smell of protection. I felt my heart rate gradually slow as I relaxed every muscle in my body. I bathed myself in her scent, and slowly closed my eyes once again as I curled my legs up to my chest as I laid on my side like a fetus. When I'm surrounded by her scent, I am the most relaxed. I didn't want to leave her bed. I wished that she was still here laying next to me with her arm around my body and provide me with comfort as I suffered from this mysterious moodiness that had accompanied the reveal of Luna's secret.

How weird is it? Even though we weren't particularly close and had only became acquainted with the other person only recently, it was still shocking to know that her death was on the horizon. It shouldn't have mattered to me, but for some reason it did. The news of her death seemed to have singed itself into my skin, casting an eternal scar on my body.

I opened my eyes once again, but stared blankly into the air before me. My mind was still in a state of confusion and melancholy, and I was unable to find a way out. Maybe it was human nature to feel depressed upon hearing of someone's imminent death, but... people would usually feel sorry, and that will be just it. Only for those that one is particularly close for would one feel a prolonged depression and denial. But... there's exceptions.

I'm not particularly close with Luna, so my moodiness wasn't because of that. Rather, it might be because of who she is. So who is Luna to me? In my eyes, she's the exact opposite to me. Unlike me, she soars freely in the sky while I'm bound with chains in this prison that I've built myself. However, knowing the fact that someone who's so free and optimistic about the world would be faced with such a cruel fate... maybe that's the reason for my melancholy.

Slowly, I reached for my phone on the bedside table and checked the time. It was 8:45 A.M. at the moment. I stared at the digital screen blankly, allowing the light from the screen to reflect on my dry eyes. I recalled the promise that I had made with Irina about heading to school together, so I forced myself out of the comfort of Loriana's bed.

When the bed covers fell off my chest, I felt a frost that sent chills down my spine. I felt as if I was going to cry, but no tears formed in my dry eyes. How long has it been since I had last wept? That I do not know the exact answer to, but it must've been a while now since in my memory, I haven't cried ever since my father's funeral.

The world outside the comforting covers of the bed was quite tormenting. It was agonizing to be forced out of the comfort of her bed, but it was something that must be done. It was then that I realized how similar my situation was to a new born baby. We're both being forced out of our place of warmth and comfort and plunged into this cold and harsh world.

... I wish I can be inside Loriana, I thought, thinking about how warm her body was already on the surface. I could only imagine how comfortable and warm the inside of her body will be. If it was possible, maybe she'll allow me to go inside her and just fade away.

Because of how late I had slept last night and how little I did sleep, I decided to shower in order to wake myself. Once I finished, I dried myself and stood before the bathroom mirror. I discovered that I wasn't able to thoroughly dry my hair, but it was whatever. I stood there in a sluggish manner before the washroom mirror as a few drops of water rolled down my forehead from my hair. I didn't bother to wipe it away or dry my hair once again because... I don't really see the point or feel like I want to make an effort to do so.

After brushing my teeth and allowing the my hair to dry naturally in the air, I walked back to the same living room where I had sat in last night after I had took a shower in hopes that it'll restore my spirit. I discovered that it didn't.

The morning living room was different from how it looked at night. It wasn't as cold and it was brightly illuminated by the sun outside. Usually, when the day is so beautiful outside, people would be cheered up by it. That can be explained by how lively the city appeared. However for me, that sun was too bright and acted like a nuisance. 

I still prefer the moon over the sun...

After eating the breakfast Loriana had set out for me, I changed into my school uniform and grabbed my school bag. I then walked over to the exit and began putting on my shoes. I wasn't in a hurry or anything, realizing that even though I had said I'll be commuting to school with Irina and Muria, we never specified on a time. Therefore, I assumed that the promise was voided since I wasn't sure if they had left already or not.

I exited my house, allowing the door to slowly swing to a close behind me. After locking it, I walked over to the elevator and summoned it to my floor. Then, I waited. As I waited, I couldn't help myself but think back on that interaction I had with Luna in that hotel room.

"Don't tell anyone," she had said to me with that mysterious smile on her face.

That was the last thing I could remember before we left the hotel room and I escorted her home. I was perplexed by that statement. She didn't want anyone else to know so why did she let me know? Why let me of all people suffer from knowing how short your life expectancy was? Why only torment me? And... how can she still smile when you know you're going to die?

The silence was disturbed when the door opposite to mine opened, revealing Irina and Muria. Both were dressed in their school uniforms and appeared extremely well-rested when compared to me. For some reason, seeing them this morning made me quite happy. Happy to the point that I smiled when I saw them walk up to wait for the elevator as well.

"Can you not?" Muria had a disgusted look on her face as she saw my smile. "It's disgusting."

"Good morning, Alevian," Irina greeted me with a pleasant smile.

Upon seeing them, I felt as if my troubled mind was soothed somewhat. It was as if seeing something beautiful and the healing effect it would have on one's heart. I yearned to approach them and touch them. I want to feel their pulse and know that I'm not alone.

I realized that I was still staring at them, probably in a dreamy way, but I didn't care. My mind felt weird... Like it wasn't normal for me to be thinking in this way. Then, before I realized, I had walked up to them and brought my arms around the both of them.

"A-Alevian!" 

Irina blushed as I brought my left arm around her while I brought my right arm around Muria. Both made no efforts to push me away initially, but after a while, that resistance arrived, although not as heavy as I had anticipated.

"What's wrong with you?" Muria's face was red as she drew herself and Irina back and away from me. She stared at me with a somewhat frightened and concerned gaze, and as for Irina, she was to occupied with being embarrassed as she avoided eye contact with me and gazed at the floor.

"Sorry," I said, frowning and taking a step back from them. "I..."

I wanted to say I felt weird, but... that was probably obvious to them. However, I didn't know what else to describe my current mental state with. For some odd reason, ever since last night, I have an urge to make physical contact with others... That sounds weird, but it is what I truly felt.

The two slowly recovered from the shock my sudden embrace had brought them as we rode the elevator down. They seemed to have noticed the abnormality in my behavior so instead of being offended or frightened by my embrace, both of them were worried about me. Even Muria had a look of concern on her face as she gazed at me.

I didn't know how I became this way, but I believe I know when I became like this. My desire to interact with others and have physical contact... this all started following that one interaction I had in the hotel room last night. It all happened when I was struck with the fact that Luna, the girl who is the polar opposite from me, was dying.

Author's Note:

Please vote and comment what you think. Thank you!!!!